Don't trust the dealer...

There's nothing like a major security breach at a high tech lab facility to get people's attention. Especially Konrad's - I knew the only way to divert his attention from his most base desires was to create a diversion at  his lab. I'm quite impressed with my handiwork. I'd managed to befriend one of the lab's guards - he was with Konrad and I and a few others on one of our crazy nights on the town last week. Turns out his penchant for cocaine was an easy weakness to exploit. I called him the minute I got your message and told him I had located some very pure product, and he (very predictably) practically begged me to bring him some at the lab. He was on gate duty and wanted a distraction from the boredom. Under the guise of having a date tonight, I told him I'd drop by but couldn't stay to partake. I knew the cameras are always rolling, so I donned a wig and went as a long haired hippie type - leather jacket, glasses at night, fake beard, motor scooter - I think I looked like one of the guys in ZZ Top, but you probably don't know that reference. 

I'm a spy, not a writer, love. But I'm guessing this would be a good place to start a new paragraph. Perhaps in our later years, you can teach me how to make these thoughts coherent, and tell me the rules about making paragraphs...not!

So I made the drop to my friend, and my plan was in action. I made certain I was seen on the motor scooter by the security cameras, and then drove off around the block and ditched it in some bushes. I waited ten minutes and knew that by then, my guard friend would be dead. You can never trust drug dealers, especially in Minsk. Especially when the dealer is me.

On short notice, it's hard to make an especially damaging bomb out of a stolen vehicle, but with enough gasoline and the proper igniters, even a Renault Kangaroo can do some damage. Hey, it was the easiest car to steal - not the most glamorous but how often do our lives really come across like spy movies? I'm getting off subject. I approached the gate, quickly hopped out and without the help of my dead guard friend, buzzed myself in. I also borrowed his remote gate opener, as I didn't think he'd be needing it anymore. I couldn't help but notice myself in the security camera monitor - I look good in a beard and glasses....

I drove the 200 meters to the building and stopped about 30 meters from the door. I decided to forego the typical spy movie spectacular explosion for two reasons - first, I didn't want to completely take out the lab, as Konrad needed a place to work and I still wasn't sure of everything going on at the lab, and second, because I didn't have time to get a container full of petrol and ignition materials safe enough for a gas bomb. A stray brick would suffice. I lined up the little red car square on with the doors, and placed the brick on the gas pedal, put it in gear and started running toward the gate. I looked back just as the car was smashing through the entranceway to the lab, and  saw the inside guard leaping out of harm's way just in time. My non-explosion was still quite spectacular - the all-glass and brushed chrome entryway was destroyed in a very loud  and satisfying crash - the engine was still whining at high speed as the rest of the noise dissipated. 

Then there was yelling, then an alarm, then security lights, then dogs barking, then oh shit, I still have fifty meters to the gate, then another two hundred once I'm outside of that, and I haven't run this fast since preparatory school and I've been drinking too much lately and I feel sluggish and it's like I'm running in slow motion, and all that cheesecake is catching up with me, and how fast can those dogs run, and how far away are they, and maybe I better use this gate opener now because maybe it is electric, and maybe I'd better borrow the dead guard's gun and taser too, because I can't outrun those dogs, and the other guards will be close behind with automatic weapons and they live for this kind of shit. Now I'm in the guard house shuffling through the dead man's clothes  - I find a can of mace and spare bullets - where is his gun? The mace will have to do - I press the remote to close the gate and sneak through as it is closing, and I think the dogs won't make it, but one pesky one slips through and is on my leg in a second, and I have the mace out and am spraying and the dog yelps but won't let go and the stuff is burning my leg and I'm hoping the dog just rips through my pants and gives up because he is really slowing me down, and I know how you love all animals, so I'll spare you the other details, but I managed to get on the motor scooter and escape before being shot dead or mauled by the dog. 

Fifteen minutes later, the lab is in full alert mode as I pull over on a hilltop overlooking that part of town  - Lights, sirens, and there's Konrad's car, pulling up to the scene. I smile and hop back on the scooter to see if you're going to show up at the park. 

S