Nikita's voice as heard over the PA system of the hospital... Her pleading voice is answered only by eerie echoes from the empty building.
Sergio... Please answer.... Where are you? I don't even know if you got my note... Sergio the place is empty. Antoine never came back, no one ever came back. Sergio, I had to eat through those fucking restraints to free myself. I refuse to starve to death while tied to a bed. There are better ways to go. If I am going to die while tied to a bed, I would prefer it to happen from reasons other than being ignored to death. I drank what was left of the IV fluids. I spent the next 2 days sneaking around this building until I became sure it was empty and now I am too weak to look for you.
Oh God, Sergio, it feels so good to be able to speak again... The swelling in my brain must have finally gone down. I just wish my first real words to you have to be these.... after all we have been through lately... Sergio what I would give to just be alone with you, in private... Just you and me looking into each others eyes and having a real conversation about things other than this mess.
Sergio... I am on the third floor, in the nurse's station. Sergio, do you know that is the only part of this building that looks like a hospital? The rest is just an abandoned warehouse.
Sergio.... I heard some things in my morphine stupor. They kept me pretty high on that stuff right after I wrote that note to you... But I heard some things... Saw some things.
Sergio, you know this is a desperate situation if I am about to announce this information over a PA system, but really, this is all I can do. I am weak. There is no food or running water in this place.
Sergio. They did capture Konrad. I saw them dragging him down the hall. He was laughing. He was saying that it was too late for everyone, that his plan was already initialized. That nothing mattered because in less than 24 hours everyone here would be in a useless blissful, 'Sanctified' state and totally under his control. Sergio, I am ok. I don't feel affected... I am weak, and don't have much fight in me.... but I am full enough of rage to know that there is no Sanctity in me.
They had Konrad chained, hobbled, straight-jacketed and he was laughing. The had 4 armed guards sticking their AK47's in various places on his body and he was laughing. He said he would come back later to collect his 'Nikita-toy' now that he is sure she is alive and well. I suppose by 'well' he meant he was pleased that I was willing to shoot you.
Heinrich was telling him that when he showed them where the Celtox was, he would be brought back to collect his toy. He said that I was no use to the agency anymore and that they were trying to figure out how to get rid of me (and you) in a way that they could be free of blame (and that involved minimal paperwork).
Sergio... did they get to you? I can't believe I shot you... It just seemed to make sense at the time, but now I see I may be the one to prevent you from escaping. That thought alone is enough to kill me.
Sergio, if we are not alone here, making this announcement is suicide for me, but it is my last chance of finding you.
Sergio....
Sergio.... Are you there?
Third floor.... Nurse's station.... I.... Oh God...... Sergio.......I think I see.......
There is feedback, then the sound of the microphone hitting a surface, sliding, falling and hitting another surface... crackling of static. Then the distinct click that is the doorway to silence. It is the click of a system being turned off... Or a power supply being cut.
Tuesday, January 19
Love Hurts
Dear Sergio,
You must understand, I had to shoot you. I aimed for just below your knee, it was the body part in line with the bruschetta... had to make it look terrible (and the tomatoes really helped for that effect), but with the best chance of survival or at least a relatively easy amputation. Prosthetics are really remarkable these days... Sergio, you will be fine.
As we sat there in my room, I saw Syd, the security guards and the doctor through the viewing window behind you. I recognized the doctor from the agency training days... you know him... it is Antoine. Remember, he and Grigori never got along, and he was kicked out. Do you remember those days with him? Remember our crazy secret signal we had with him? We were new spies in training and thought we could do anything.... out smart the old pros... We would touch the bridge of our nose three times as a signal that something changed and to trust whoever made the signal.
I recognized him through the window. He made the gesture just as I saw another figure come into view. Konrad. I remembered what I heard the young agents and doctors had said: That Konrad and I were 'together'.
In that split second I knew that I needed to keep you in this hospital, close to me... I needed to keep Konrad on my side in order to keep us all safe and to get the rest of the information about Sanctity, and to really get Konrad put away or better.... put to rest... for good.
Seeing as I already had the gun in my hand, the easiest way to accomplish all of this was to shoot you. It would prove my loyalty to Konrad and get you in the hands of this doctor, Antoine.
Sergio, this is our ticket. From here we are positioned perfectly to get it all... we will be heroes. We will be together. Oh yeah, and we will have saved the world.
I'm not exactly sure how it will happen since I can't speak and am tied to a bed, and you can't walk. Antoine will relay these messages. He has not been able to explain his role in this yet, but he will help us.
Your love,
Nikita.
You must understand, I had to shoot you. I aimed for just below your knee, it was the body part in line with the bruschetta... had to make it look terrible (and the tomatoes really helped for that effect), but with the best chance of survival or at least a relatively easy amputation. Prosthetics are really remarkable these days... Sergio, you will be fine.
As we sat there in my room, I saw Syd, the security guards and the doctor through the viewing window behind you. I recognized the doctor from the agency training days... you know him... it is Antoine. Remember, he and Grigori never got along, and he was kicked out. Do you remember those days with him? Remember our crazy secret signal we had with him? We were new spies in training and thought we could do anything.... out smart the old pros... We would touch the bridge of our nose three times as a signal that something changed and to trust whoever made the signal.
I recognized him through the window. He made the gesture just as I saw another figure come into view. Konrad. I remembered what I heard the young agents and doctors had said: That Konrad and I were 'together'.
In that split second I knew that I needed to keep you in this hospital, close to me... I needed to keep Konrad on my side in order to keep us all safe and to get the rest of the information about Sanctity, and to really get Konrad put away or better.... put to rest... for good.
Seeing as I already had the gun in my hand, the easiest way to accomplish all of this was to shoot you. It would prove my loyalty to Konrad and get you in the hands of this doctor, Antoine.
Sergio, this is our ticket. From here we are positioned perfectly to get it all... we will be heroes. We will be together. Oh yeah, and we will have saved the world.
I'm not exactly sure how it will happen since I can't speak and am tied to a bed, and you can't walk. Antoine will relay these messages. He has not been able to explain his role in this yet, but he will help us.
Your love,
Nikita.
AAARRRGGGGHHH
"You fucking Bitch! You shot me!!!!! I'll fucking kill you! I will hunt you and track you down and kill you...ugh, I don't.. feel.. so... good...."
Sunday, January 17
Blood & Bruschetta
Sergio, you stupid, passionate, reckless spy. I don't know how you survive this life. There probably could have been better plans than to walk straight into my hospital room.Oh, but it does feel good to get these restraints off... And your bruschetta is to die for. Hopefully that last statement won't end up being true, but my arms are a little shaky and I can't trust my aim, what with the brain-surgery, loss of blood and all.
God, it felt so good for those 2 minutes between you getting the restraints off of me and this moment. Your eyes asked... And yes, I do remember that night... with the straps. The image of you as you strode into the back garden of that castle in France, still in shape from the days in the circus... you swung the gate closed, did an arabesque, then backed against the privacy fence, (and boy, did we need privacy), threw your head back and stated: 'To the boudoir!'
Sergio, I'm sorry. You will understand soon, I have to ---
BLAM!!!!!
Damn it Sergio, no silencer... how dramatic.
Fuck
Well, I got him. Shit, sorry Sergio... I shot through the Bruschetta... it looks worse than it is... That is mostly bruschetta... well, ok, bruschetta and blood.
I'll contact you soon, my love...
Oh Sergio, don't look at me like that.
Sergio I do love you....
"Yes!!" I scream out loud
"YES!" I do love you, Sergio, I DO.
Of course all that came out of my mouth is the 'Yes' part, not the 'I love you part'. (Damn brain-swelling.) So my exclamation came off more like the kind of 'Yes' that is shouted somewhere between making a touchdown and getting a high-five or a pat on the ass.
Unfortunately the high-five came from Syd, and this ass was not going to get patted anytime soon. Oh Shit Sergio... I'll contact you, I'll explain. The look in Sergio's eyes as his leg collapsed (confusion, betrayal, lost love), gave me more pain than it caused him.... Well... maybe not quite that much pain.
The restraints are getting put back on. Oh, dreamland please come back. Morphine, yes, give me more morphine.... France...... castles...... Sergio.... leather straps.....
Wednesday, August 12
Sergio acknowledges the two young guards in Nikita's room..."You boys can run along now"
'Heinrich's orders are to stay with Nikita. She is not to be left alone.'
"She won't be alone - I am here with her"
"But sir, we are under strict orders to keep her quiet - she is to have no visitors, and I'm pretty sure Heinrich was specifically referring to you when he said no visitors"
"I've got an idea - You two can take a break - go get some coffee and have a smoke - I need to speak with Nikita privately about matters for which I am sure you have no security clearance."
"But sir,"
"Call me Sergio."
"Sergio, there is some concern that you may try to dispatch of Nikita now that she has made it through her surgery and implicated you in the murder of three of our agents at the raid on Konrad's place - the whole incident is under review and she cannot be left alone until you are cleared of these allegations - in the meantime, we are here to guard Nikita from you , Konrad, or anyone else that may want to cause her harm, and our orders are very clear."
One guard slowly reaches for his sidearm, just to make sure Sergio understands the situation - the other guard moves himself between Sergio and Nikita, assuming a defensive stance. Sergio calmly turns to set down his baguette and tomato on a table cluttered with takeout food containers and several coffee cups. Nikita is silent but has opened her eyes and is watching the situation unfold. She has counted three mistakes on the part of the two guards already. Number four occurs when the armed guard unholsters his gun.
Sergio speaks calmly, matter of factly - "You boys know this situation is quickly spiraling out of control, don't you?"
'With all due respect Sergio, we are fully prepared to protect Nikita from any and all threats and there are two of us. I am armed and Syd over there is fully capable of taking any man down that threatens him".
"Boys, boys.. relax - We have a small misunderstanding here - We're on the same side for god's sake! Nobody wants a fight or confrontation, and there's no need for all this posturing - I'm here to see Nikita and hopefully resolve a horrible wrong I've done to her - I'd appreciate the opportunity to spend some time alone with her - you two can be right outside the whole time - believe me - if I wanted to take her out, it would have happened at Konrad's - I would have put the bullet in her heart instead of her leg, filed a report and been done with the whole situation by now. I'm not sure how Nikita implicated me in anything anyway - I was under the impression she has been recovering from surgery and has remained comalike since the operation - How can a woman who isn't speaking implicate anyone? "
Nikita shifts on her bed and says "Yes!"
Sergio and the guards all turn to see a wide eyed Nikita sitting up - she is assessing the situation carefully - testing her restraints one at a time, methodically. She looks at the guards with a quizzical look, then her eyes fall on Sergio. Whatever the situation was between them, her eyes spoke more than any words could.
'Heinrich's orders are to stay with Nikita. She is not to be left alone.'
"She won't be alone - I am here with her"
"But sir, we are under strict orders to keep her quiet - she is to have no visitors, and I'm pretty sure Heinrich was specifically referring to you when he said no visitors"
"I've got an idea - You two can take a break - go get some coffee and have a smoke - I need to speak with Nikita privately about matters for which I am sure you have no security clearance."
"But sir,"
"Call me Sergio."
"Sergio, there is some concern that you may try to dispatch of Nikita now that she has made it through her surgery and implicated you in the murder of three of our agents at the raid on Konrad's place - the whole incident is under review and she cannot be left alone until you are cleared of these allegations - in the meantime, we are here to guard Nikita from you , Konrad, or anyone else that may want to cause her harm, and our orders are very clear."
One guard slowly reaches for his sidearm, just to make sure Sergio understands the situation - the other guard moves himself between Sergio and Nikita, assuming a defensive stance. Sergio calmly turns to set down his baguette and tomato on a table cluttered with takeout food containers and several coffee cups. Nikita is silent but has opened her eyes and is watching the situation unfold. She has counted three mistakes on the part of the two guards already. Number four occurs when the armed guard unholsters his gun.
Sergio speaks calmly, matter of factly - "You boys know this situation is quickly spiraling out of control, don't you?"
'With all due respect Sergio, we are fully prepared to protect Nikita from any and all threats and there are two of us. I am armed and Syd over there is fully capable of taking any man down that threatens him".
"Boys, boys.. relax - We have a small misunderstanding here - We're on the same side for god's sake! Nobody wants a fight or confrontation, and there's no need for all this posturing - I'm here to see Nikita and hopefully resolve a horrible wrong I've done to her - I'd appreciate the opportunity to spend some time alone with her - you two can be right outside the whole time - believe me - if I wanted to take her out, it would have happened at Konrad's - I would have put the bullet in her heart instead of her leg, filed a report and been done with the whole situation by now. I'm not sure how Nikita implicated me in anything anyway - I was under the impression she has been recovering from surgery and has remained comalike since the operation - How can a woman who isn't speaking implicate anyone? "
Nikita shifts on her bed and says "Yes!"
Sergio and the guards all turn to see a wide eyed Nikita sitting up - she is assessing the situation carefully - testing her restraints one at a time, methodically. She looks at the guards with a quizzical look, then her eyes fall on Sergio. Whatever the situation was between them, her eyes spoke more than any words could.
A single tear welled up as she gazed at Sergio - anger, betrayal, longing, passion, pain, pleasure and love - her eyes showed all these emotions at once, but something else was happening - she began to convulse slowly, like a washing machine that is unbalanced - hard to one side, then back to center, abrupt and sharp convulsions soon shook her entire body, followed by a brief respite that was almost long enough for her to regain her composure (at least as much composure as one can have in her condition) before another hard convulsion gripped her body.
Syd immediately ran to get help while Sergio and the other guard restrained Nikita to keep her from hurting herself. The moment Syd was out the door, Nikita stopped convulsing and looked at Sergio and said "YES!" Three seconds later the remaining guard was unconscious on the floor and Sergio disarmed him before dragging him out into the hallway. He locked the door behind him, grabbed the loaf of bread and the tomato and pulled up a chair next to Nikita.
Nikita mumbles a plaintive 'yes,... yes yes yes...' and Sergio understood. He agreed to remove the restraints holding her in place. A mischievous smile crosses Nikita's face and Sergio was certain she was remembering one of their more adventurous trysts from a few years back.
They had crossed paths while on separate missions in the south of France. After an amazing dinner of duck and haricot verts (and maybe a lot of wine too), they stumbled back to an old castle where Sergio was staying . They were still in the early stages of getting to know one another (sexually) and there were lingering questions as to both of their loyalties (spywise and sexually).
The castle was several centuries old, crafted of brick and stone and was magnificent in its slightly neglected splendor. Low-ceilinged corridors lit by ancient gas fixtures wound down into the lower chambers, and heavy arched wooden doors with huge hand-smithed hinges led to the guest quarters. They entered a room that looked like something out of a movie about the French bourgeois before the revolution - large tapestries and fine oriental rugs set the tone, and gorgeous chairs, tables, wardrobes, and a huge canopy bed gave the room an air of royalty. The two of them made small talk for a few minutes before an adequate awkward pause presented itself.
Nikita stood up to marvel at a large wardrobe on one side of the room. Sergio followed, ostensibly to see the lovely piece of furniture, but was hoping, of course, for an opportunity to kiss this lovely creature. Feeling emboldened by the wine, Nikita took charge and pinned Sergio up against the brick wall with a deep wet kiss. She grabbed his head and pressed herself up against him, making sure he could feel her pulsing body. He returned her sentiment by pulling up her skirt and grabbing her ass, pulling her close enough to feel every bulging part of his finely toned body...Now they were moving toward the bed, doing the disrobe-while making out-while trying to get to the bed-while trying to not fall or look silly-shuffle. They managed to do all of these things, but not all at the same time.
As they fell onto the edge of the bed, Nikita made it to the mattress but Sergio grazed the corner of the frame and hit the floor - It hurt, but even major pain or injury rarely stop any man from following through on his desires (and anyway, Nikita would have MADE him follow through, she had her own desires to fill). As Sergio was pulling himself up onto the bed, he noticed long leather straps with buckles were mounted to the bed frame at the foot of the bed. Upon further inspection, there were four straps on the bed - one on each corner of the frame. straps that could be used to hold somebody down against their will. Or because it was their will...
She was reluctant to let him restrain her at first, but she felt safe enough (or was she drunk enough) to let him strap one arm to the bedpost, and then the other - he was so warm and reassuring and sensual about the whole thing - he would kiss her arm all over, slowly from her neck all the way to her hands, his warm body embracing her and she just laid there and melted in her heart (and maybe other places) as he gently cinched the straps tight. To her surprise, the more he tightened them, the more turned on she became - she was so used to being in control of every detail that even though it was dangerous to let somebody else control her, she loved the feeling of being made to submit.
The tender kisses continued until every limb was loosely restrained - she could move her arms a little, and her legs a little more, but when she tried to close her legs the first time he kissed his way down her stomach, a bit of panic set in... OH SHIT! (Nikita is having an internal conversation with herself) "I can't stand to be tickled - I can't let him know - if he tickles me I'll pee myself or bite him and draw blood, maybe both. Spy manual, rule #7, never let your opponent know you are nervous or out of sorts - you lose your power in the situation... but my limbs are all tied, and I think I may have given up a lot of power with that little maneuver..." The conversation goes on in her head until Sergio interrupts her thoughts by whispering into her ear, " tell me where to touch you"...
"Ahhh", Nikita thinks..."its easier to breathe already...."
Although Nikita was unable to wrap any of her extremities around her lover (as she so loved to do) the slow burn Sergio administered was deep, guttural, soul satisfying...Freaking HOT! The closeness they shared that evening left an indelible impression on them both. Those restraints had been one of the most freeing things Nikita had ever experienced....
By now, Syd was on his way back to the room with a doctor and a few more armed guards - the other guard had managed to sound the alarm about the 'security breach', and plans were being made to take out Sergio if he wouldn't surrender to the guards. (Syd actually feared he would be losing his job and maybe more for being so easily duped by Sergio.) It was not a good situation brewing here...
The guards took up positions around the room and prepared to use quick flash bomblets to stun Sergio long enough to subdue him and remove him to a holding area. Their other option was to shoot him if he would not cooperate. The Doctor and Syd approached the look-through window to Nikita's room and were quite surprised to see Nikita sitting there with a gun trained on Sergio. He was calmly cutting the tomato and bread, having a lively conversation with Nilkita. If there was a speaker in the room, the guards would have heard this, "Nikita, keep holding the gun on me, make it look like you are in charge and have the situation under control."
"Yes"
"And tell me - do you think it was ok for me to shoot you in the leg in order to save your life?"
"Yes"
"And do you forgive me for putting that very large bullet in your leg and digging the implant out of your neck with my field knife?"
"Yes"
"And do you still love me?"
long silence...
"Nikita?"
"Can you hear me?"
"Yes"
"Did you hear my last question?"
"Yes"
"So, do you still love me?"
long silence
"NIKITA!"
"Yesyes"
are you speaking in code?
"Yes"
The guards have opened the door and are coming in to escort Sergio from the room. He sets down his loaf of bread and allows the guards to take him. As he is being led away, Nikita aims the gun for Sergio's knees and pulls the trigger.
Monday, June 22
YES
Linoleum. Or is it tile? Marble? Definitely not marble. Anyone who has spent as much time in Italy as I have, can tell real marble from its imitators.
Mmm the smell of baking bread! I am looking at cheap tile and smelling baking bread... and there is a strange pressure.... Grandma! Oh, I can’t believe you remembered! Thank you for the punching bag! This is the best 7th birthday a little girl could have! Ugh, there is that pressure again.
Blue booties... beeping noises.... soft conversations; business-like, methodical, yet urgent. The clanking of metal on metal...
That pressure again, from the back of my head.... What is...?....... SHIT!
SHIT! Is that my brain you are sticking your fingers into?!!
SHIT.... WHO is operating on me?! I gotta get outta here!
“Doctor she is awake.”
“Excellent, now we will have a chance of getting her through this without brain damage. Nikita, can you hear me?”
I want to answer (enemy or not, I am prepared to ‘make nice’ with anyone who has their fingers in my brain). I think I am saying something, but I must not be, because they ask me again.
“Nikita, can you hear me? Please blink if you can.”
I try again to answer, wondering who the fuck is going to see me blink, as I am facing down at the floor, but then I notice the camera and so I blink with conviction.
“Excellent. Nikita, listen closely: You are among friends, but Sergio really did a number on you and we are trying to save you. Your leg will heal, but we are trying to get his knife out of the back of your head. Can you stay awake for us? We will need to ask you questions during this procedure in order to make sure we are not damaging important areas of your brain further.”
blink blink blink blink blink. Shouldn’t we make a ‘one for yes, two for no’ kind of agreement? And just for the record: There is no such thing as a ‘non-important part’ of my brain.
I am wracking the still intact part of my brain, trying to figure out who these ‘friends’ are that they say I am among. I am confused. NIKITA THINK. YOU CAN DO THIS. STAY CLEAR.
“Nurse, page Sergio and let him know Nikita is out of her coma.”
Sergio. A tremor of pain runs through me. I have this strange feeling regarding Sergio... conflicted... I can hear myself whispering that I love him.... Confused. Maybe it has something to do with what the doctor just said about it being his knife that is in the back of my head.
“Why? I heard she’s with Konrad now...” I heard the nurse say sarcastically. There were a couple unprofessional chuckles.
Konrad. Another tremor... like a series of electric shocks. I have this strange feeling regarding Konrad.. conflicted... There is a rage inside me, yet I can hear myself screaming that I love him... Confused... Maybe it has something to do with what the nurse just said about us ‘being together’.
“Doctor... her blood pressure is spiking and her heart is racing”
“She cannot have any more morphine and we cannot afford to slow her heart rate. I am going as fast as I can. We will have to let her struggle through this. Tighten the restraints, especially the one around her head... I can’t have her bumping me around while I’m in here.”
More pressure... A flood of memories and facts are racing through my mind as I think about Sergio and Konrad (and as the surgeon pokes around in there). The confusion is overwhelming. I wish they could find the place in my brain where those names are stored and just rip it out completely. My body hurts everywhere. My mind is racing. I think I prefer the coma to this. Pieces of gauze soaked with blood are now dropping into my field of vision on the cheap tiles. My blood.
I can’t believe I am here. More memories flood in... I am suddenly that innocent little girl on her 7th birthday again. ‘Grandma, Don’t give her that punching bag’ I say to the memory... ‘give her a sweet doll and teach her how to cook... keep her close at home... Help her to be a lover and not a fighter’. I now see a trickle of blood, a little stream, searching its way around the grout, making ninety degree turns around each tile. For a moment, I think it makes the creamy colored tiles look nicer than with their former dull, grey outline.
“Doctor, the wound in her leg is bleeding.”
“The increased blood pressure must have blown out the stitches and reopened the graft in her femoral artery. Open up the leg and re-suture it. Nurse.....”
The trickle of blood becomes more than the grout paths can hold and soon it is forming a smooth layer over the tiles, advancing steadily across the floor towards the head of the table. This can’t be good.... (But at least my blood pressure is lowering now). The pairs of blue booties are moving, shifting positions, more restless, urgent.... Sergio, Konrad... the names are vibrating in my head (bouncing off the walls of my skull is more like it). It is more than I can take. In the coma at least everything felt good. Things were clear. I was free. There was no thinking, only being.
One last, slow blink before I gratefully fade into that comfortable oblivion again. Sometimes when it is difficult to figure something out. The best thing you can do is to step away from it, go for a walk.
The smell of baking bread. The electricity of fear.... Sergio, Konrad....
My subconscious must figure this out now. There is no more that conscious thinking can accomplish. The process is too painful. I hope that doctor knows what he is doing.
I am.... going...... for........ that....... proverbial...... walk, now.......
“Doctor. Are you almost finished? We are losing her!”
I feel myself wake up. What a strange sensation it is to be conscious of one’s own consciousness.... after so long being ‘away’. The room is dark and along with the reassuring, regular beeps of the heart monitor, there are voices. Two people are talking and walking around the room. I am impressed at their ability to negotiate around a room full of equipment, tubes and wires in the pitch dark, but then realize that my eyes are closed. Best to stay this way for a moment. These are obviously not nurses or they would have noticed the slight quickening in the tempo of the heart-beeps. I want to hear what they are saying.
“Hey, I always thought Sergio was a real ‘by the book’ kind of agent, and Nikita was some kind of elusive, unstoppable, super hero... I can’t believe she is just laying here dying... and I can’t believe Sergio is on suspension as the one that did it to her.”
“Yeah, man, they say Sergio just blew her leg out. It was close range, too. Then when she was down he stuck a knife in the back of her head and started digging around. He had to be pulled off of her.”
Oh great, a couple of fledgling agents are watching over me... Probably a couple of 20 year olds who watched too many James Bond movies. It reminded me that I am still a spy and am most likely still in the middle of a big mess.
I have just spent the last who-knows-how-long floating around in Dreamland with a doctor poking around in the back of my skull. I saw images, smelled smells, tasted things, relived memories... Amazing what kind of dreams you can have when someone is stimulating different parts of your brain for you. I just observed. I am done with thinking. Nothing makes sense. All logic is off. I’ve decided to just let my unconscious send me the answers I needed in order to re-enter my life. If my best instincts don’t live in my primal little lizard brain, I don’t know where they do. I have told and lived way too many lies and now I can’t sort it all out. I am almost dead, for God-sake! What else is going to need to happen for me to get the message? What better time to make a fresh start? Enough with strategies, lies and plots... It is time to remember who I really am and figure out what my truth is.
Some people say those instincts live in the gut. ‘Trust your gut instincts’ they will say. I’m not so sure, For me it is always those ‘thoughts in the back of my mind’, the ‘little voices in my head’ that were always right in the end. I just think the guts have a strong opinion about things sometimes, but puking never gave me very clear, useful information about anything (except perhaps how many is one too many shots of Jack Daniels). Others say the truth lives in the heart, and I would love to think that is true, but I must not know the language, because everything my heart has told me in the past has led to more pain, so I stopped listening long ago. The heart lives outside reality and doesn’t always take logistical concerns into consideration. The heart may have ideas that seem appealing, but it gets me into situations that are difficult. Then when I look to it for answers, my heart is just there shrugging its shoulders and saying: ‘oh well, it seemed like a great idea at the time!’
What I do know, is that as I wandered in my subconscious, comatose state, the name Sergio always came along with a smell of baking bread...The name Konrad always came along with the smell of dog shit. And I kept seeing the Wicked Witch of the West’s message in smoke: ‘Surrender Dorothy’. So I give up. And since I’m apparently not supposed to surrender to death right now, I am ready to surrender to life.
They say that smell is one of the most primitive senses, that it is closely tied to the most primitive part of our brain... that it is the last sense we lose before we die, that it is often connected with our deepest subconscious and the strongest of our base emotions. Some say that through certain smells, one can even achieve immortality. Perhaps, then, these olfactory messages are my subconscious trying to tell me something. I can’t think of any positive things about dog shit or negative things about baking bread, so I am going to suppose that is my message: My lizard brain likes Sergio. Somehow Sergio and I are connected in ‘the great unknown’ and I’d better just give it up and get used to it. The little voices have spoken.
Of course hearing this guy in the room confirm the whole ‘Sergio put a knife in the back of my skull thing’ wasn’t exactly giving me a warm, fuzzy feeling about him. But I also know that I am re-entering life in the midst of a highly complicated and dangerous situation that I am sure is not yet resolved. Perhaps there is some intelligent maneuvering that must be done in order to get myself safely out of this place. Get in touch with my true self? Yes. Have a full fledged personal awakening retreat in the middle of highly sensitive spy operation? Maybe not so wise. So, Sergio... I will be following your lead. Get me out of here. I will trust you completely.
Sigh. A certain kind of peace washes over me. Like the feeling I got the first time I jumped out of a plane. The moment of going out the door needed to be my decision. There is no way I was going to let someone push me out. Once you decide there is nothing left to worry about. But you must decide first, and in that deciding, the trust will appear... but it is possible to trust in theory and still not decide to take action. This just creates more agony. The only way to do it is to just jump, then simply enjoy the ride.
I just lie there in the bed, taking stock of myself for a moment. I feel different. I... uch, what is that odor? Pastrami with dijon mustard, old spice deodorant, 3 day old scalp grease and 5 month old odor-eaters (which smelled more like the odor than the eater). Oh, God, I realize I can smell EVERYTHING. Fortunately one of those guys has some spearmint gum in his pocket. (I think I’ll focus on that and see if I can forget about the scalp grease). I can smell the bleach on the floor and the new mildew forming in the corner of the shower stall. I’m figuring this is some strange side effect of having a knife stuck in the back of my brain.
The men were quietly talking to each other, then I could here one of them come closer, laughing, and say:
“...I don’t know, why don’t we ask her: Hey Nikita, is Sergio as great a lover as he would like everyone to believe?”
(Still pretending to be unconscious, I think: well that is rude and inappropriate... just stay still and breathe.... I won’t.....)
“YES!” I hear myself saying as my eyes fly wide open.
“Shit, get Heinrich, looks like our beauty isn’t sleeping anymore.”
I’ll just pretend to slip back into unconsciousness... a few more deep breaths and I should be able to get the ol’ heart rate monitor back down to anesthetized-like levels).
“Hang on, I’m not sure... she seems to be back out again... I mean, I’m no nurse, but if we can just wait a few minutes... Uh... at 1 o’clock she gets her sponge bath, you know. If she’s really awake we can tell Heinrich after that.”
“Oh yeah, right. I guess Heinrich doesn’t have to be alerted to every twitch she makes. Hey Nikita, can I give you you’re sponge bath today?” He chortled.
“YES!”
FUCK! What am I doing? Why did I say that?!
The man jumped back, stumbled over his own feet and fell back against the other man.
We all are still and silent. Then I try to say a few more things to them, but nothing comes out. What I am starting to realize is that there is still plenty of swelling in my brain, and although I now can smell everything (not exactly a skill I am happy to have), I am not actually able to communicate fully. The only thing I am able to outwardly respond to is a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question... and my answer is always going to be, uncontrollably: ‘YES’.
Just then the door opened. The two guys and compose themselves into an awkward ‘at attention’ kind of stance. In walks Sergio, carrying a red, ripe juicy tomato, some garlic and a large loaf of rosemary bread... hot out of the oven.
Mmm the smell of baking bread! I am looking at cheap tile and smelling baking bread... and there is a strange pressure.... Grandma! Oh, I can’t believe you remembered! Thank you for the punching bag! This is the best 7th birthday a little girl could have! Ugh, there is that pressure again.
Blue booties... beeping noises.... soft conversations; business-like, methodical, yet urgent. The clanking of metal on metal...
That pressure again, from the back of my head.... What is...?....... SHIT!
SHIT! Is that my brain you are sticking your fingers into?!!
SHIT.... WHO is operating on me?! I gotta get outta here!
“Doctor she is awake.”
“Excellent, now we will have a chance of getting her through this without brain damage. Nikita, can you hear me?”
I want to answer (enemy or not, I am prepared to ‘make nice’ with anyone who has their fingers in my brain). I think I am saying something, but I must not be, because they ask me again.
“Nikita, can you hear me? Please blink if you can.”
I try again to answer, wondering who the fuck is going to see me blink, as I am facing down at the floor, but then I notice the camera and so I blink with conviction.
“Excellent. Nikita, listen closely: You are among friends, but Sergio really did a number on you and we are trying to save you. Your leg will heal, but we are trying to get his knife out of the back of your head. Can you stay awake for us? We will need to ask you questions during this procedure in order to make sure we are not damaging important areas of your brain further.”
blink blink blink blink blink. Shouldn’t we make a ‘one for yes, two for no’ kind of agreement? And just for the record: There is no such thing as a ‘non-important part’ of my brain.
I am wracking the still intact part of my brain, trying to figure out who these ‘friends’ are that they say I am among. I am confused. NIKITA THINK. YOU CAN DO THIS. STAY CLEAR.
“Nurse, page Sergio and let him know Nikita is out of her coma.”
Sergio. A tremor of pain runs through me. I have this strange feeling regarding Sergio... conflicted... I can hear myself whispering that I love him.... Confused. Maybe it has something to do with what the doctor just said about it being his knife that is in the back of my head.
“Why? I heard she’s with Konrad now...” I heard the nurse say sarcastically. There were a couple unprofessional chuckles.
Konrad. Another tremor... like a series of electric shocks. I have this strange feeling regarding Konrad.. conflicted... There is a rage inside me, yet I can hear myself screaming that I love him... Confused... Maybe it has something to do with what the nurse just said about us ‘being together’.
“Doctor... her blood pressure is spiking and her heart is racing”
“She cannot have any more morphine and we cannot afford to slow her heart rate. I am going as fast as I can. We will have to let her struggle through this. Tighten the restraints, especially the one around her head... I can’t have her bumping me around while I’m in here.”
More pressure... A flood of memories and facts are racing through my mind as I think about Sergio and Konrad (and as the surgeon pokes around in there). The confusion is overwhelming. I wish they could find the place in my brain where those names are stored and just rip it out completely. My body hurts everywhere. My mind is racing. I think I prefer the coma to this. Pieces of gauze soaked with blood are now dropping into my field of vision on the cheap tiles. My blood.
I can’t believe I am here. More memories flood in... I am suddenly that innocent little girl on her 7th birthday again. ‘Grandma, Don’t give her that punching bag’ I say to the memory... ‘give her a sweet doll and teach her how to cook... keep her close at home... Help her to be a lover and not a fighter’. I now see a trickle of blood, a little stream, searching its way around the grout, making ninety degree turns around each tile. For a moment, I think it makes the creamy colored tiles look nicer than with their former dull, grey outline.
“Doctor, the wound in her leg is bleeding.”
“The increased blood pressure must have blown out the stitches and reopened the graft in her femoral artery. Open up the leg and re-suture it. Nurse.....”
The trickle of blood becomes more than the grout paths can hold and soon it is forming a smooth layer over the tiles, advancing steadily across the floor towards the head of the table. This can’t be good.... (But at least my blood pressure is lowering now). The pairs of blue booties are moving, shifting positions, more restless, urgent.... Sergio, Konrad... the names are vibrating in my head (bouncing off the walls of my skull is more like it). It is more than I can take. In the coma at least everything felt good. Things were clear. I was free. There was no thinking, only being.
One last, slow blink before I gratefully fade into that comfortable oblivion again. Sometimes when it is difficult to figure something out. The best thing you can do is to step away from it, go for a walk.
The smell of baking bread. The electricity of fear.... Sergio, Konrad....
My subconscious must figure this out now. There is no more that conscious thinking can accomplish. The process is too painful. I hope that doctor knows what he is doing.
I am.... going...... for........ that....... proverbial...... walk, now.......
“Doctor. Are you almost finished? We are losing her!”
I feel myself wake up. What a strange sensation it is to be conscious of one’s own consciousness.... after so long being ‘away’. The room is dark and along with the reassuring, regular beeps of the heart monitor, there are voices. Two people are talking and walking around the room. I am impressed at their ability to negotiate around a room full of equipment, tubes and wires in the pitch dark, but then realize that my eyes are closed. Best to stay this way for a moment. These are obviously not nurses or they would have noticed the slight quickening in the tempo of the heart-beeps. I want to hear what they are saying.
“Hey, I always thought Sergio was a real ‘by the book’ kind of agent, and Nikita was some kind of elusive, unstoppable, super hero... I can’t believe she is just laying here dying... and I can’t believe Sergio is on suspension as the one that did it to her.”
“Yeah, man, they say Sergio just blew her leg out. It was close range, too. Then when she was down he stuck a knife in the back of her head and started digging around. He had to be pulled off of her.”
Oh great, a couple of fledgling agents are watching over me... Probably a couple of 20 year olds who watched too many James Bond movies. It reminded me that I am still a spy and am most likely still in the middle of a big mess.
I have just spent the last who-knows-how-long floating around in Dreamland with a doctor poking around in the back of my skull. I saw images, smelled smells, tasted things, relived memories... Amazing what kind of dreams you can have when someone is stimulating different parts of your brain for you. I just observed. I am done with thinking. Nothing makes sense. All logic is off. I’ve decided to just let my unconscious send me the answers I needed in order to re-enter my life. If my best instincts don’t live in my primal little lizard brain, I don’t know where they do. I have told and lived way too many lies and now I can’t sort it all out. I am almost dead, for God-sake! What else is going to need to happen for me to get the message? What better time to make a fresh start? Enough with strategies, lies and plots... It is time to remember who I really am and figure out what my truth is.
Some people say those instincts live in the gut. ‘Trust your gut instincts’ they will say. I’m not so sure, For me it is always those ‘thoughts in the back of my mind’, the ‘little voices in my head’ that were always right in the end. I just think the guts have a strong opinion about things sometimes, but puking never gave me very clear, useful information about anything (except perhaps how many is one too many shots of Jack Daniels). Others say the truth lives in the heart, and I would love to think that is true, but I must not know the language, because everything my heart has told me in the past has led to more pain, so I stopped listening long ago. The heart lives outside reality and doesn’t always take logistical concerns into consideration. The heart may have ideas that seem appealing, but it gets me into situations that are difficult. Then when I look to it for answers, my heart is just there shrugging its shoulders and saying: ‘oh well, it seemed like a great idea at the time!’
What I do know, is that as I wandered in my subconscious, comatose state, the name Sergio always came along with a smell of baking bread...The name Konrad always came along with the smell of dog shit. And I kept seeing the Wicked Witch of the West’s message in smoke: ‘Surrender Dorothy’. So I give up. And since I’m apparently not supposed to surrender to death right now, I am ready to surrender to life.
They say that smell is one of the most primitive senses, that it is closely tied to the most primitive part of our brain... that it is the last sense we lose before we die, that it is often connected with our deepest subconscious and the strongest of our base emotions. Some say that through certain smells, one can even achieve immortality. Perhaps, then, these olfactory messages are my subconscious trying to tell me something. I can’t think of any positive things about dog shit or negative things about baking bread, so I am going to suppose that is my message: My lizard brain likes Sergio. Somehow Sergio and I are connected in ‘the great unknown’ and I’d better just give it up and get used to it. The little voices have spoken.
Of course hearing this guy in the room confirm the whole ‘Sergio put a knife in the back of my skull thing’ wasn’t exactly giving me a warm, fuzzy feeling about him. But I also know that I am re-entering life in the midst of a highly complicated and dangerous situation that I am sure is not yet resolved. Perhaps there is some intelligent maneuvering that must be done in order to get myself safely out of this place. Get in touch with my true self? Yes. Have a full fledged personal awakening retreat in the middle of highly sensitive spy operation? Maybe not so wise. So, Sergio... I will be following your lead. Get me out of here. I will trust you completely.
Sigh. A certain kind of peace washes over me. Like the feeling I got the first time I jumped out of a plane. The moment of going out the door needed to be my decision. There is no way I was going to let someone push me out. Once you decide there is nothing left to worry about. But you must decide first, and in that deciding, the trust will appear... but it is possible to trust in theory and still not decide to take action. This just creates more agony. The only way to do it is to just jump, then simply enjoy the ride.
I just lie there in the bed, taking stock of myself for a moment. I feel different. I... uch, what is that odor? Pastrami with dijon mustard, old spice deodorant, 3 day old scalp grease and 5 month old odor-eaters (which smelled more like the odor than the eater). Oh, God, I realize I can smell EVERYTHING. Fortunately one of those guys has some spearmint gum in his pocket. (I think I’ll focus on that and see if I can forget about the scalp grease). I can smell the bleach on the floor and the new mildew forming in the corner of the shower stall. I’m figuring this is some strange side effect of having a knife stuck in the back of my brain.
The men were quietly talking to each other, then I could here one of them come closer, laughing, and say:
“...I don’t know, why don’t we ask her: Hey Nikita, is Sergio as great a lover as he would like everyone to believe?”
(Still pretending to be unconscious, I think: well that is rude and inappropriate... just stay still and breathe.... I won’t.....)
“YES!” I hear myself saying as my eyes fly wide open.
“Shit, get Heinrich, looks like our beauty isn’t sleeping anymore.”
I’ll just pretend to slip back into unconsciousness... a few more deep breaths and I should be able to get the ol’ heart rate monitor back down to anesthetized-like levels).
“Hang on, I’m not sure... she seems to be back out again... I mean, I’m no nurse, but if we can just wait a few minutes... Uh... at 1 o’clock she gets her sponge bath, you know. If she’s really awake we can tell Heinrich after that.”
“Oh yeah, right. I guess Heinrich doesn’t have to be alerted to every twitch she makes. Hey Nikita, can I give you you’re sponge bath today?” He chortled.
“YES!”
FUCK! What am I doing? Why did I say that?!
The man jumped back, stumbled over his own feet and fell back against the other man.
We all are still and silent. Then I try to say a few more things to them, but nothing comes out. What I am starting to realize is that there is still plenty of swelling in my brain, and although I now can smell everything (not exactly a skill I am happy to have), I am not actually able to communicate fully. The only thing I am able to outwardly respond to is a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question... and my answer is always going to be, uncontrollably: ‘YES’.
Just then the door opened. The two guys and compose themselves into an awkward ‘at attention’ kind of stance. In walks Sergio, carrying a red, ripe juicy tomato, some garlic and a large loaf of rosemary bread... hot out of the oven.
Tuesday, June 16
A meeting between Sergio and several high level operatives has convened. Heinrich (Grigori's superior) is speaking...
"How? Nikita is fighting for her life and we have to have a meeting?..."
"But we have work to do"
"We always have work to do..."
"Let's start with Konrad"
"Fine..."
"We've got to take him out."
"No shit?"
"Come on Sergio, we're trying to solve a crisis here..."
"No shit?"
"Well, tell us what you would do since you seem to be the authority on all things Konrad..."
"All I know is he seems to have this town wired - Half of the area's politicians were at his place tripping on Sanctity last night. The police are unreliable, because he told me he owned most of them during one of our crazy nights out drinking - Most of the normal channels we would use to clamp down on a situation like this are ineffective - Konrad was very thorough in covering his ass - We can try to shut down his lab, but I'm certain he has plenty of drugs stored in various places around town. He's threatened to unleash some horrible plague if his operation is compromised - I'd say we definitely crossed that line last night. I think our only chance lies with Nikita"
"Are you insane? - she's barely hanging onto her life! Right now a surgeon has a pair of forceps inside her skull and is trying to retrieve the last fragments of your makeshift knife - if that doesn't kill her, the exit wounds from the bullet you put in her leg might - remember? the bullet that shattered as it hit her femur and left two gaping wounds and a badly damaged femoral artery? She's messed up and you did it! And now you're suggesting we use her as a trap for Konrad? I can't believe I am even hearing this from you - What the fuck are you on? Have you lost what was left of your mind?"
'It's possible"
"It's possible you lost your mind, or it's possible to use her as bait?"
It's possible we'll all be dead if we don't find Konrad soon. Something happened between them before everything went wrong - well, during ... she was speaking to him as her love - the drugs gave them some sort of connection - she said she'd be with him as soon as she took care of the problem - the 'problem' was me...Konrad said he'd wait for her - of course that was figurative, because he immediately hauled ass out of the room, but as Konrad was running, Nikita yelled, "together we are one!"
In a half joking voice, Heinrich says, "no wonder you shot her!"
Sergio explodes from his seat, leaps across the table and grabs Heinrich by the throat - Several of the other operatives quickly subdue Sergio, but tensions in the room remain very high. Heinrich utters a half apology to Sergio, and Sergio lets the issue go for now. (Sergio had voluntarily let go of Heinrich's throat, but it felt like he was able to control something for a few seconds...and that felt good...in that moment, Sergio knew how he would get to Konrad.)
Saturday, June 6
White Lights, Tangerine Dreams
Well, great.
Based on what I am seeing, I suppose I must be dying. Isn't this a bit... I don't know, cliche? Can it really be just as it is written in the cheesy novels, just as it is retold by those baggy-pant-wearing mystics on TV at 3 a.m.? I was really hoping for something more brilliant, or at least surprising.
Long tunnel, white light.
And there is music... But the music is insipid... I feel like I am in a Tangerine Dream cd.
Floating now... of course I'm floating. Soon I should be seeing some sort of figure, calling to me.
Floating.
Aren't I suppose to feel something... a great love, a sense of peace and connectedness to the One?
I just feel annoyed, inconvenienced. This is really ruining my plans.
The figure is there now, hand out-reached... calling my name. Its all very intriguing.
But all I want to do is turn around.
So I turn around. (which is not so easy to do, by the way when you are floating... its kind of like when you are in one of those floating chaise lounges in a pool and you can only paddle with your one free hand... the one that is not holding the coconut freshie cocktail... The chair seems oblivious to your efforts to paddle and swings only lazily around as if saying: 'Oh, are you talking to me?')
But as I said, I did turn around.
Yes, there he is... Sergio. He looks funny from this view above him. I never realized how the veins in his forehead bulge when he is frantic...but then, I rarely see him frantic.
Ahhhh, yes, here is my sense of peace. The strange, ironic, paradoxical sense of peace I get from the man who has been my partner in the most un-peaceful of situations, but still...
Oh Sergio: threatening the doctors... (I laugh)... my dear Sergio, you better unwrap that tubing from around that doctor's throat. I'm going to be needing him.
The after-life will have to wait until it comes up with a better way of beckoning me, something a little more original next time, perhaps...
Sergio, I'm coming back.
Based on what I am seeing, I suppose I must be dying. Isn't this a bit... I don't know, cliche? Can it really be just as it is written in the cheesy novels, just as it is retold by those baggy-pant-wearing mystics on TV at 3 a.m.? I was really hoping for something more brilliant, or at least surprising.
Long tunnel, white light.
And there is music... But the music is insipid... I feel like I am in a Tangerine Dream cd.
Floating now... of course I'm floating. Soon I should be seeing some sort of figure, calling to me.
Floating.
Aren't I suppose to feel something... a great love, a sense of peace and connectedness to the One?
I just feel annoyed, inconvenienced. This is really ruining my plans.
The figure is there now, hand out-reached... calling my name. Its all very intriguing.
But all I want to do is turn around.
So I turn around. (which is not so easy to do, by the way when you are floating... its kind of like when you are in one of those floating chaise lounges in a pool and you can only paddle with your one free hand... the one that is not holding the coconut freshie cocktail... The chair seems oblivious to your efforts to paddle and swings only lazily around as if saying: 'Oh, are you talking to me?')
But as I said, I did turn around.
Yes, there he is... Sergio. He looks funny from this view above him. I never realized how the veins in his forehead bulge when he is frantic...but then, I rarely see him frantic.
Ahhhh, yes, here is my sense of peace. The strange, ironic, paradoxical sense of peace I get from the man who has been my partner in the most un-peaceful of situations, but still...
Oh Sergio: threatening the doctors... (I laugh)... my dear Sergio, you better unwrap that tubing from around that doctor's throat. I'm going to be needing him.
The after-life will have to wait until it comes up with a better way of beckoning me, something a little more original next time, perhaps...
Sergio, I'm coming back.
Complications...
Doctor! Nurse! Anybody! Help!!
Confusion ensues - Medical personnel quickly fill the room and surround Nikita. She has flatlined, and the next few minutes are spent trying to get her heart to beat again - two attempts to restart her heart are unsuccessful, and Sergio begins to face the reality that the actions he took to save Nikita at Konrad's may have been too drastic...
The doctors and nurses are still frantically trying to revive Nikita, yet Sergio's thoughts drift back to that critical moment at Konrad's - He realizes his judgement WAS clouded by his love for her - but what else was he to do? She had just killed two men whom she had known and worked with for years.
A heartbeat! A slippery, quirky heartbeat makes its way across the monitor - she is still alive! She is very unstable, but her heart is beating and Sergio is able to breathe again...
The doctors are still in the room, standing over Nikita and discussing procedures - there seems to be a big disagreement on how best to keep Nikita alive - her brain is still swelling from the head trauma and one doctor insists on immediate surgery to relieve the pressure, because waiting will cause certain brain damage - the other doctor says her heart is too weak and unstable to undergo surgery, that she will certainly die if she is administered any anesthesia.
Sergio tries to help the doctors with their decision by telling them they will both die if Nikita does, so they better figure out what they are going to do quickly and get it right...
Confusion ensues - Medical personnel quickly fill the room and surround Nikita. She has flatlined, and the next few minutes are spent trying to get her heart to beat again - two attempts to restart her heart are unsuccessful, and Sergio begins to face the reality that the actions he took to save Nikita at Konrad's may have been too drastic...
The doctors and nurses are still frantically trying to revive Nikita, yet Sergio's thoughts drift back to that critical moment at Konrad's - He realizes his judgement WAS clouded by his love for her - but what else was he to do? She had just killed two men whom she had known and worked with for years.
A heartbeat! A slippery, quirky heartbeat makes its way across the monitor - she is still alive! She is very unstable, but her heart is beating and Sergio is able to breathe again...
The doctors are still in the room, standing over Nikita and discussing procedures - there seems to be a big disagreement on how best to keep Nikita alive - her brain is still swelling from the head trauma and one doctor insists on immediate surgery to relieve the pressure, because waiting will cause certain brain damage - the other doctor says her heart is too weak and unstable to undergo surgery, that she will certainly die if she is administered any anesthesia.
Sergio tries to help the doctors with their decision by telling them they will both die if Nikita does, so they better figure out what they are going to do quickly and get it right...
Monday, May 18
Nikita's DreamLand
If this was the year 2023, we would have the technology that can take the readings from the EEG
and translate them into the words and pictures that are being created inside the brain of the dreamer. But it is not 2023. So, for now, Nikita is lost in a silent, isolated world. She lies on the hospital bed, near lifeless. The rhythmic beeps of the EKG, the wavy lines streaming effortlessly from the EEG, the regular drip of the IV, the blank expression on her face create an illusion of peace. But the only thing remotely peaceful about Nikita are the hallucinations she can get lost in, and the numbness that she feels, protecting her from the realities of her situation and the sensations of pain that, if conscious, she would feel ripping through her body... Even that merciful numbness is regularly interrupted by spikes of sensations so intense that it makes the thought of being lost in a void seem like a gift. It is also a gift that Sergio has no idea that the anomalies in the waves flowing from the EEG are the silent screams of terror coming from within the woman he loves.If this was 2023, this is how the translation from Nikita's mind would read:
"Mommy, I want the blue balloon, not the yellow one... why can't I have the blue one?"
"Because I want to give you the yellow one, I think the yellow one is nice."
"But mommy, I want the bluuuuuuuuue one!!!!!"
"Nikita, I know you want the blue one, but it will make me happy to give you this pretty yellow one."
"Mommy WHY will you be happy if I don't get what I WAAAAAANT?"
"Because, Nikita, you will be learning to adapt."
Floating.....Light...... weightless..... I see you, Sergio! I see you sitting there, watching over my body.... Light.... Love....nothing but warmth and radiance...... Sergio I see you, I love you... stay with me, I know you are there, I know you will pull me back, but for now let me float.... that body down there has pain....
"AAAAAGGGGHHHHH a sharp ripping at the back of my neck as a scalpel divides my flesh. Already swollen from a severe impact... (strange, it didn't hurt while I was smashing Niko's frontal lobe)... now I feel an instrument exploring, exploring, until it grabs, then pulls... I feel the warmth of blood down my back.... I feel the collapse of tissue as it fills the once occupied space... then the pressure of the new swelling.... AAAAGHHHHHH the PRESSURE!!!! it's to much... I can't.... feeeeeeel......"
Look at the worms! I have never seen such cute, fuzzy worms... and they seem to know so much! Look, here is a music box, I open it and wow, I am the ballerina in the music box... I spin and spin and spin and now the fuzziest worm is handing me a scroll and it is taller than me, so I climb up on this ladder that reaches into the clouds and I begin to read and all there is, is one word, written over and over and over and over and..
FIRE! There is fire in my leg and in my head and coming out my ears and tubes are eating me alive... the machines are feeding off of me and I don't know why I am here. AAAAGGGHHHH someone stop the fire that is burning me.
Grass. I am running through grass. Waist high, it brushes against me as I run. Tiny seeds are clinging to the sweater that is tied around my waist. I am laughing. I am happy, so happy. I feel a pull on the back of my sweater and it lets loose. I look and see the grin of Sergio as he turns away, glancing back over his shoulder only to gently mock me. I stop for a moment, panting... hands supporting me on my thighs as I bend over to catch my breath. Sergio swings the sweater over his head... "C'mon, Nikita... don't you want it?"
"I can live without it" I answer.
"Can you? Can you really adapt to life without this sweater?" He is grinning widely.
I stand up suddenly the panting stops... my body is quiet... and I realize that I can. I can live without what I want. But as my feet start running towards Sergio I realize that I have decided to take it anyway.
And then there is nothing...
Wednesday, March 25
Nikita.......Nikita!.....wake up.....can you hear me?
Nikita cannot see or move... she hears other voices, murmurs, conversations of a few people who think she is still unconscious... She feels her hand being gently caressed by someone - Sergio... it must be Sergio... she cannot see him or move or let him know she is awake, she does not know where she is or what has happened, and she cannot seem to connect her mind with her body - she wants to squeeze Sergio's hand, she wants to see him, she wants to tell him she is awake and she seriously wants to know what the fuck has happened to her body... the voices continue to talk about her, and she is able to make out a few phrases...."the gas should have worn off by now"..."Look at all the pinch marks on her arm, I've never seen anything like that" ... Do you think removing the implant has anything to do with that swelling" ..."How can we tell her what happened without...."
"Shut up!"
An asian accented woman speaks, "Sergio, you can't possibly expect us to..."
"Shut the fuck up NOW! I take full responsibility for the situation and will tell her myself, but I'm for damn sure not going to sit here and listen to you over-think the incident - she may be able to hear everything you're saying - I'm pretty sure the gas will wear off and these side effects will all go away within several hours or days - for now, if we need to debrief further, do it without me. I'm staying here until she comes around"
The asian woman speaks again, "Your valiance is pitiful Sergio - you've compromised our entire operation for sex one too many times, and I think this time you've fucked up everything enough that even your service record won't keep you safe from what's coming down on you."
"Kiss my ass, Luli - you weren't there and you have no idea how close Nikita came to offing Ozerov, and if we hadn't gone in when we did, Ozerov would be dead and Konrad and Grigori would be using Nikita for a sex toy, or worse, uncovering our entire operation and finding out everyone's identity, even yours....Why are we even having this conversation now ? I think all of you need to leave. Save your breath for the meeting tomorrow."
A door opens and Nikita hears the sound of several people leaving the room. After the door closes, she feels Sergio draw near - she still cannot communicate with him whatsoever - it's as if she is frozen solid - she hears and feels, but cannot move anything - he is holding her hand - Sergio speaks in a soft voice, "Nikita my darling, I'm so sorry - I don't know if you can hear me - I've done something terrible and you must hear it from me - Ozerov had to be kept alive - you were killing him, and I could only think of one way to keep the situation from spinning more wildly out of control...
"The anti-sanctity compromised your ability to think, reason, and make sound judgements - can you hear me? can you move anything? I'll tell the story - maybe you'll hear it and begin to process the ramifications before you actually become conscious. I don't know what else to do...
"When Grigori showed up at Konrad's, I knew we were in way too deep - You were quickly becoming schizophrenic from the implant effects and Konrad had all the cards - Grigori had been sharing everything we are working on with Konrad, plus the entire structure of the organization he knew of - I had a strong feeling that Grigori had turned, or was playing both sides to his advantage, but this was too much - That fucker had to go down, and I didn't care enough about him to make it painless...
"We heard a horrible scream coming from inside just after your transponder quit - That was enough of a signal that it was go time for our team - The plan was to hit Konrad (and anyone else that wasn't singing kum-by-ya) with tranquilizer darts filled with Ketamine - if its good enough to take down large zoo cats and make college kids looking to trip lay there and drool for half an hour, it should override anything Konrad was taking...
"We hit the room from three sides, all five of us sporting tranquilizer darts and automatic weapons - we knew there was no threat from the sanctity crowd, so it seemed simple enough for us to overwhelm any resistance from within - we neutralized the outside guards when the screaming started, so I was certain the five of us could easily overpower Konrad, Tad, and Grigori - I figured you'd let go of Ozerov when you realized we were operational and help us take down Grigori and Konrad. From your description of Tad, I didn't think he'd be much of any trouble at all...
"First lesson of espionage Nikita - remember? when the shit starts to go down, never underestimate a jilted lover - especially one hopped-up on anti sanctity - Tad was the first to see us enter, and things began to go wrong shortly thereafter - I've never witnessed a person undergo such an instantaneous transformation as Tad did - he looked like any other hot gay man - clean shaven, well dressed, perfect shoes - he looked at me and for an instant seemed confused, but just as soon as I prepared take him out with a dart, a crazed look came over him, and he charged me straight on - it's like he was the Terminator or something - I hit him with two darts to the chest and he just kept running at me full speed - I was so stunned when he didn't go down that I was unable to react with another round of darts - The fucker ran me down like a bull having a good day in Pamploma... oh Nikita...
Do you remember Pamploma Nikita? That little cafe where we ate fresh tomatoes and drank way too much homemade wine with the gypsies? It was such a lovely place and time....
"Sorry. I'd rather think of happy stories and simpler times, but I must go on with this one....Where was I...
"Oh...Tad knocked me backwards into a hall tree full of coats and we tangled, trying to get the best of one another - I couldn't figure out how in the world he wasn't out like a light, but I didn't have much time to ponder, as he was trying to turn my pistol on me - I was amazed at how strong and focused he was - the whole situation seemed to be in slow motion, a surreal movie that I was watching happen from another person's point of view, yet I was about to be killed if I couldn't get the better of this man - a man you had described earlier in the evening as utterly weak and pathetic...
"I haven't had such a physical man to man fight in years Nikita - I usually do my killing with tools, aides, surprise, treachery - this was two people with a very strong will to live - a will to triumph over an enemy - his fight was valiant and he managed to get on top of me and pin me down - a sick feeling came over me, as I thought my time was going to be up at the hands of Tad - No saving you, no reckoning with Konrad or Grigori - he was holding me there - pinned down, but unable to let me go long enough to grab my gun and finish the fight - He hesitated for a second, thinking what to do now that we were at an impasse - he looked at me - no, he stared at me deeply, as if trying to say something to me with his eyes - a new look came over his face, and I could feel his grip beginning to loosen - I swear I was reading his mind and he began to smile at me - his hips started to grind on me, and he loosened his grip more. He leaned in to kiss me - I knew this was coming, and I had to play along just long enough for him to let my hand loose - he was wanting, willing me to grab his ass, but instead I grabbed my knife, and somewhere between his third and fifth rib, I opened his lung and aortic artery to the sanctity filled room - he wasn't going to get his last orgasm from me....
"While I was preoccupied with Tad, my men had met some unexpected resistance from you - It turns out Ketamine wasn't immediately effective with the anti-sanctity, and all of you - Konrad, Grigori, and you were like villains with super powers - when we entered the room, all three of you were hit with one or several darts, and the idea was to extract you and Ozerov while Konrad and Grigori were in la-la land. We were to secure the area and move Konrad and Grigori to a secure location where we could determine the damage Grigori had caused the organization. Konrad had to be stopped, but we couldn't kill him without first dismantling the failsafes he designed to poison millions if he was caught or killed unexpectedly. It should have gone so smoothly......"
Nikita is listening, still motionless and unable to sleep, but she feels a strange sensation in her left thigh, like a tingling numbness deep inside her muscles. Her eyes sense light, but she is unable to open them - Is Sergio rubbing my thigh? What is he doing? Is he putting his hand up my...what the fuck am I wearing anyway? She screams, "Sergio! Stop! What are you doing to me?".... (Turns out Sergio was just checking the shunt in Nikita's leg, one of three placed to drain the serious wounds she sustained in the botched rescue/raid. Sergio hears nothing from Nikita - she imagines she is yelling out loud, but silence and stillness are all Sergio observes while attending her leg wound. Sergio covers up the leg and walks over to a table with a large assortment of medical devices. He ponders the instruments, wondering if and when the doctors will use them to relieve the fluid pressure building in Nikita's brain. He turns toward the bed and begins the story where he left off.)
"My men Niko and Karl came into the room through the doors that led to the deck - you had Ozerov in the near corner - his feet were off the ground and he was only making a rasping sound by the time they got to you - the Sanctity trippers were gathered around singing love songs, trying to calm you down. Apparently, you were holding Ozerov with one hand and tearing off the fat suit with the other, screaming hardly intelligible rants about the balance of power and false righteousness and the meek meeting a horrible end. You saw me being attacked by Tad while Grigori and Konrad were hit with darts from my other two guys Boris and Vlad, who had come in the windows at the back of the great room.
Grigori and Konrad both took two darts (enough in each dart to stop a 500 pound tiger) and stood there laughing. They were enjoying the Tad and Sergio sideshow but were much more distracted by your fat-suit strip show/metamorphis into the lean killing machine that was Nikita. Boris and Vlad were slowly approaching Grigori and Konrad, waiting for them to go down, but that wasn't happening. They literally removed the darts from themselves in an all to calm and cold manner. Niko and Karl were trying to reason with you to let go of Ozerov and relax as your mission was over, but they were interrupted by Konrad and Grigori who began to act like they were at a strip bar, saying things like,"don't stop now, take it all off baby" and "bring that sweet ass over here so I can fill it with what it really needs." This banter caused you to lose interest in killing Ozerov, and you suddenly composed yourself as if a long lost love had just entered the room. You turned toward Konrad and Grigori and spoke slowly and deliberately, with a voice that I thought was reserved only for me.... "let me take care of a few things first, my dears..."
You let a limp and possibly dead Ozerov fall to the floor and turned toward Niko and Karl. Your blue eyes were ablaze with an unknown purpose, and your t-shirt and leggings bulged with tensing muscles. Your arms had horrible purple and blue bruises from the constant pinching and self mutilation, but you were every bit the magnificent warrior you have always been, except your loyalty was now to Konrad and Grigori, and my team had no idea how to deal with this new development.
A single gunshot shattered the quiet chants of the trippers, and Grigori went down with a gaping bullet hole in his left leg. For all the problems Grigori had caused me over the last several months (or years?), shooting that fucker in the leg was the least I could do for him -He was still screaming when Boris and I landed on top of him and proceeded to do our best to incapacitate him. Konrad took off running toward the kitchen, and Vlad followed close behind. Even with both of us on top of him, Grigori was still fighting us and inflicting some damage - He was flailing with all of his might and caught both of us a few times with his remaining knee and arms. At the time, I was wondering what the fuck is in this anti-sanctity that it makes people so strong and able to fight, even under extreme injury or duress...
Niko and Karl were still trying to reason with you, but were beginning to understand you weren't the same Nikita they had known for years - this Nikita could not or would not reason - this Nikita had some untapped source of power to resist heavy sedation - This Nikita was preparing (unbeknownst to them) to tear both of their heads off.
Karl took the first vicious high kick from you and went down hard. Niko managed to get behind you and grab your arms, but was no match for your strength - you acted like a wild animal who refused to be caged - you reverse head butted Niko hard enough to knock him off. You turned around and grabbed his head with both hands, bringing it hard and square onto your kneecap - if he wasn't dead by that, the 3/4 melon twist at the end surely did the job - you looked like a chiropractor on super steroids. Karl was still fumbling for his dart gun when you came at him, and all I can say is he died quickly. Your skills were overwhelming and lethal, and in that moment, I feared for both our lives.
Saturday, March 7
23:00:00 Hrs
From the Transponder of Agent TF43
[[hushed, tones, talking quickly]]
Sergio, I am sorry to have been silent, this past hour or so... I was too close to Konrad to risk anything. I know you have been watching what has been going down... I saw you traveling through the marsh grass by the lake... even in the dark, I can recognize the precise sway of your fine toned ass, and the particular wake it causes in the tops of the slender stalks... i only wish I was the grass... to be doing the dance caused by the motion of your hips.
Sergio I only have a few moments to tell you everything before this whole scene explodes... And i am not just talking about the chaos that is about to ensue, as I know you are already aware of it... I am talking about what is going to happen in a few moments when the last traces of garlic are gone. The garlic, I have found, has a wonderfully mellowing effect on the Anti-Sanctity. The self mutilation is no longer effective, as the Anti-Sanctity and Sanctity Blocker is so strong in my system now, that I cannot even access the part of my brain that tells me to hang on to the threads of my true self.
Sergio, I do not know what you will need to do to me when you find me... but let me tell you now: You have my permission to do what ever it takes to get me back. I will fight, for sure, I will hiss and growl and I am sorry in advance for the pain I know I will inflict upon you in my Anti-self defense. Be strong, my hero. I am unable to get back to the kitchen to get more garlic and I finished the last piece of Bruschetta in the dining room 15 minutes ago.
Konrad has released a mist of Sanctity throughout the building. In, of course the most ingenious way.... through the freshened breath of all the guests. There are gum and mints everywhere, and of course, because of the garlic, everyone has been helping themselves. The effect is first hand, but also second hand. Talking to someone with this 'freshened' breath will have the same effect.
Marco has been moving around the room freely, eyeing Konrad the whole time. He had a few roasted garlic cloves, then a large mint and is heading straight for Konrad. He has such an intensity in his eye, such... but as he crosses the room I can see a transformation taking place: Heavy, purposeful footsteps turn to a sweeping stride... deep hatred turns to intense... oh my God... Marco is almost to Konrad... Konrad's back is to him... he takes his right hand out of his pocket and his left reaches up to grab Konrad's shoulder. Konrad spins around, with a steel eye but before he could even register what was happening, Marco grabbed him and locked him into a ... kiss. Now Tad is... Oh shit Sergio, I guess Tad has been on Anti-Sanctity, (the weak crying state must have been due to the mellowing effects of the garlic he smelled during all his ducking into the pantry).... Tad is running at them and he has a knife... Oh Shit, here we go....
I am not sure who Tad was aiming for, but Konrad saw him and swung around so Marco took the hit. For a moment you could see Marco snap back to reality and remember that he hated Konrad. He hated him for leaving him all those years ago, and for not including him in his latest scheme to rule the world. He hated Konrad for being in the position of having 2 of the best spies in the world tracking him, it meant that Marco would have to eliminate them in order to protect his love... his bittersweet love... of course we know that Marco has already suffered a stiletto in the head because of this.
Now the room is howling, literally... Tad is screaming, but too useless to be specifically vengeful. He is just thrashing, making wild punches and kicks in the air, spitting obscenities.... The masses in the room, who have been sitting cross legged on the floor now, holding hands singing: "All You Need is Love" have stood up and are surrounding Tad. They are rocking him in a group hug and all you can hear is a deafening murmur, with an occasional: " We are all one" or "You are God, you are love, feel only love, my brother" raising audibly above the sick purring of the mass. It is disgusting, all this 'Love love love' talk. Oh no Sergio, this is it... the garlic has worn off... there is nothing protecting me from the Anti Sanctity any longer. The implant Ozerov forced into me weeks ago is functioning at full power... now I only have this stream of... of... hatred... I will keep recording... Sergio... please....
Fuck, these useless people. The only hero here is Konrad... he has thrown Marco down and stepped on him as he walked away. I must get to him, I don't want to be left with these weak people.... "Konrad!!"
"Ingrid. My Dear... come. NOW"
" I'm here"
"Listen, you bitch... I know who you are, but I also know you will do what you are told"
"Konrad, you are the only one who makes sense around here. I'll do anything for you."
"Yes, I have seen to that. But there are a few loose ends, here... GENOVESE... If you are to be with me, I need you to prove yourself by killing Ozerov. Now that you know that I know who you are, there is no need to maintain your cover as Ingrid, and also you have no need to work for Ozerov in order to spy on me as I will be keeping you close...very very close. I have no use for Ozerov either, he knows too much. But I have many, many ... uses for you, my sweet, plump, evil little angel."
'I can kill that bastard, no problem, look at him... he is just standing in the corner breathing deeply with his eyes closed while the world is crashing. How weak."
[[[Sounds of footsteps and the swishing of fake thighs and armpit hair rubbing against each other...a whisper under the breathe: "there's Ozerov... such an easy mark... I can take him out with my bare hands."
If the transponder was adjusted sensitively enough, it would have picked up on a little voice inside Nikita/Genovese/Ingrid's head... a little voice that said: 'remember...'
but it wasn't.
[[The sound of sleeves being rolled up and cracking knuckles as a pair of feminine arms prepare to break a neck....]]]
the little voice was trying again, from deep inside: 'remember....'
"Fucking Bastards, look at them all... look at them compared to Konrad and his team... even Tad has regained his proper composure and is standing tall by Konrad. Ready to channel his hatred towards what ever task Konrad may choose for him to do. I admire Konrad as I watch him. And Grigori, I knew he was one of us... I knew he wasn't one of the pansy spies just working for 'world peace' and all that other Miss America Bullshit..... what the hell is..... [[[sound of rustling and feedback as the transponder is ripped from the ear]]]
"I have no use for this... I only have ears for Konrad."
[[[sound of transponder hitting the floor and the distinct crumbling sound that can only come from the sole of a determined woman's shoe]]]
The small voice is gathering strength... welling up.....
If the transponder was still working, Sergio would be hearing the sound of eye lids opening as Ozerov feels hands around his throat
If the transponder was working, he would hear sounds of skin being twisted... and slowly but surely, squeezed.
If the transponder was working, he would hear sounds of gurgling and straining, but not fighting
If the transponder was working, Sergio would hear the sound of Ozerov's lips parting and a weak breath whispering:"Nikiiiita" even as the fingers squeeze the throat it came from tighter...
the small voice is boiling and suddenly erupts into.... a scream. A very distinct, very particular scream that freezes the attention of the entire room...
[[hushed, tones, talking quickly]]
Sergio, I am sorry to have been silent, this past hour or so... I was too close to Konrad to risk anything. I know you have been watching what has been going down... I saw you traveling through the marsh grass by the lake... even in the dark, I can recognize the precise sway of your fine toned ass, and the particular wake it causes in the tops of the slender stalks... i only wish I was the grass... to be doing the dance caused by the motion of your hips.
Sergio I only have a few moments to tell you everything before this whole scene explodes... And i am not just talking about the chaos that is about to ensue, as I know you are already aware of it... I am talking about what is going to happen in a few moments when the last traces of garlic are gone. The garlic, I have found, has a wonderfully mellowing effect on the Anti-Sanctity. The self mutilation is no longer effective, as the Anti-Sanctity and Sanctity Blocker is so strong in my system now, that I cannot even access the part of my brain that tells me to hang on to the threads of my true self.
Sergio, I do not know what you will need to do to me when you find me... but let me tell you now: You have my permission to do what ever it takes to get me back. I will fight, for sure, I will hiss and growl and I am sorry in advance for the pain I know I will inflict upon you in my Anti-self defense. Be strong, my hero. I am unable to get back to the kitchen to get more garlic and I finished the last piece of Bruschetta in the dining room 15 minutes ago.
Konrad has released a mist of Sanctity throughout the building. In, of course the most ingenious way.... through the freshened breath of all the guests. There are gum and mints everywhere, and of course, because of the garlic, everyone has been helping themselves. The effect is first hand, but also second hand. Talking to someone with this 'freshened' breath will have the same effect.
Marco has been moving around the room freely, eyeing Konrad the whole time. He had a few roasted garlic cloves, then a large mint and is heading straight for Konrad. He has such an intensity in his eye, such... but as he crosses the room I can see a transformation taking place: Heavy, purposeful footsteps turn to a sweeping stride... deep hatred turns to intense... oh my God... Marco is almost to Konrad... Konrad's back is to him... he takes his right hand out of his pocket and his left reaches up to grab Konrad's shoulder. Konrad spins around, with a steel eye but before he could even register what was happening, Marco grabbed him and locked him into a ... kiss. Now Tad is... Oh shit Sergio, I guess Tad has been on Anti-Sanctity, (the weak crying state must have been due to the mellowing effects of the garlic he smelled during all his ducking into the pantry).... Tad is running at them and he has a knife... Oh Shit, here we go....
I am not sure who Tad was aiming for, but Konrad saw him and swung around so Marco took the hit. For a moment you could see Marco snap back to reality and remember that he hated Konrad. He hated him for leaving him all those years ago, and for not including him in his latest scheme to rule the world. He hated Konrad for being in the position of having 2 of the best spies in the world tracking him, it meant that Marco would have to eliminate them in order to protect his love... his bittersweet love... of course we know that Marco has already suffered a stiletto in the head because of this.
Now the room is howling, literally... Tad is screaming, but too useless to be specifically vengeful. He is just thrashing, making wild punches and kicks in the air, spitting obscenities.... The masses in the room, who have been sitting cross legged on the floor now, holding hands singing: "All You Need is Love" have stood up and are surrounding Tad. They are rocking him in a group hug and all you can hear is a deafening murmur, with an occasional: " We are all one" or "You are God, you are love, feel only love, my brother" raising audibly above the sick purring of the mass. It is disgusting, all this 'Love love love' talk. Oh no Sergio, this is it... the garlic has worn off... there is nothing protecting me from the Anti Sanctity any longer. The implant Ozerov forced into me weeks ago is functioning at full power... now I only have this stream of... of... hatred... I will keep recording... Sergio... please....
Fuck, these useless people. The only hero here is Konrad... he has thrown Marco down and stepped on him as he walked away. I must get to him, I don't want to be left with these weak people.... "Konrad!!"
"Ingrid. My Dear... come. NOW"
" I'm here"
"Listen, you bitch... I know who you are, but I also know you will do what you are told"
"Konrad, you are the only one who makes sense around here. I'll do anything for you."
"Yes, I have seen to that. But there are a few loose ends, here... GENOVESE... If you are to be with me, I need you to prove yourself by killing Ozerov. Now that you know that I know who you are, there is no need to maintain your cover as Ingrid, and also you have no need to work for Ozerov in order to spy on me as I will be keeping you close...very very close. I have no use for Ozerov either, he knows too much. But I have many, many ... uses for you, my sweet, plump, evil little angel."
'I can kill that bastard, no problem, look at him... he is just standing in the corner breathing deeply with his eyes closed while the world is crashing. How weak."
[[[Sounds of footsteps and the swishing of fake thighs and armpit hair rubbing against each other...a whisper under the breathe: "there's Ozerov... such an easy mark... I can take him out with my bare hands."
If the transponder was adjusted sensitively enough, it would have picked up on a little voice inside Nikita/Genovese/Ingrid's head... a little voice that said: 'remember...'
but it wasn't.
[[The sound of sleeves being rolled up and cracking knuckles as a pair of feminine arms prepare to break a neck....]]]
the little voice was trying again, from deep inside: 'remember....'
"Fucking Bastards, look at them all... look at them compared to Konrad and his team... even Tad has regained his proper composure and is standing tall by Konrad. Ready to channel his hatred towards what ever task Konrad may choose for him to do. I admire Konrad as I watch him. And Grigori, I knew he was one of us... I knew he wasn't one of the pansy spies just working for 'world peace' and all that other Miss America Bullshit..... what the hell is..... [[[sound of rustling and feedback as the transponder is ripped from the ear]]]
"I have no use for this... I only have ears for Konrad."
[[[sound of transponder hitting the floor and the distinct crumbling sound that can only come from the sole of a determined woman's shoe]]]
The small voice is gathering strength... welling up.....
If the transponder was still working, Sergio would be hearing the sound of eye lids opening as Ozerov feels hands around his throat
If the transponder was working, he would hear sounds of skin being twisted... and slowly but surely, squeezed.
If the transponder was working, he would hear sounds of gurgling and straining, but not fighting
If the transponder was working, Sergio would hear the sound of Ozerov's lips parting and a weak breath whispering:"Nikiiiita" even as the fingers squeeze the throat it came from tighter...
the small voice is boiling and suddenly erupts into.... a scream. A very distinct, very particular scream that freezes the attention of the entire room...
Sunday, March 1
21:23:16 Hrs
From the transponder of agent TF43
I'm out of the pantry.... will narrate what I can... a small truck pulled up and they are unloading some more crates into the kitchen. I saw Marco come in using the delivery guys as cover. He hasn't seen me.
No sign of Grigori, but from what you are telling me... he is starting to 'stink' so his smell should lead me to him soon.
I'm back in the entertainment hall.... shit, Sergio, something is different. I think they have already dispensed a mother load of Sanctity. People are practically floating. They are like a sea of bodies and smiles and singing. It is easy to tell who has taken Anti-Sanctity, so that should make my job both easier and harder.... easier because they stand out like tuxedos at a Grateful Dead concert and hard because if I am not careful I will stand out, too.
.
.
.
I just saw Marco shake off Tad... Tad is crying again. I think Marco may have 'led Tad on' in order to gain his favor. I can't figure out if he has been given the Anti-Sanctity or not. As Konrad's assistant, he may prove to be useful.... (hang on)....
"Tad, hey, are you ok?"
"Ingrid, I, I..."
"Tad, I know what it is like to be disappointed by a man"
"Oh, Ingrid! I just can't believe myself... I am such a sucker for a dangerous man... I can't believe I let Marco get to me like this, I should have known he was just using me to get to Konrad. I can't believe I let my guard down."
"I gotta go, Tad...But pull yourself together. Remember, just because you decided to take that stick out of your ass doesn't mean you have to beat yourself up with it. You are finally letting your heart open...and there is strength in vulnerability. Konrad is drugging you. Actually he has been drugging you for a while, but also drugging you to protect you from the drug you are experiencing now... does that make sense?"
(awkward silence)
"Ingrid, I... I"
"Tad, I am asking you: Does that make sense to you?"
"Yes, but....how do you...? That bastard, Konrad told me he would keep me on the Anti-Sanctity... Ingrid, why do you think I won't tell Konrad that you know about all this?"
"Because now you are free, aren't you?"
"No, actually now I am drugged with one drug, instead of two... like some kind of double- negative redundancy..."
"Tad, I mean now YOU ARE FREE aren't you? aren't we all? ...I gotta go, really"
.
Shit, Sergio, I had to peel back two fingernails to pull off that kind of civility to that flaming cry-baby, but it can be very useful to have him on our side. And I don't think he's going to have a chance to talk to Konrad tonight!
I'm out of the pantry.... will narrate what I can... a small truck pulled up and they are unloading some more crates into the kitchen. I saw Marco come in using the delivery guys as cover. He hasn't seen me.
No sign of Grigori, but from what you are telling me... he is starting to 'stink' so his smell should lead me to him soon.
I'm back in the entertainment hall.... shit, Sergio, something is different. I think they have already dispensed a mother load of Sanctity. People are practically floating. They are like a sea of bodies and smiles and singing. It is easy to tell who has taken Anti-Sanctity, so that should make my job both easier and harder.... easier because they stand out like tuxedos at a Grateful Dead concert and hard because if I am not careful I will stand out, too.
.
.
.
I just saw Marco shake off Tad... Tad is crying again. I think Marco may have 'led Tad on' in order to gain his favor. I can't figure out if he has been given the Anti-Sanctity or not. As Konrad's assistant, he may prove to be useful.... (hang on)....
"Tad, hey, are you ok?"
"Ingrid, I, I..."
"Tad, I know what it is like to be disappointed by a man"
"Oh, Ingrid! I just can't believe myself... I am such a sucker for a dangerous man... I can't believe I let Marco get to me like this, I should have known he was just using me to get to Konrad. I can't believe I let my guard down."
"I gotta go, Tad...But pull yourself together. Remember, just because you decided to take that stick out of your ass doesn't mean you have to beat yourself up with it. You are finally letting your heart open...and there is strength in vulnerability. Konrad is drugging you. Actually he has been drugging you for a while, but also drugging you to protect you from the drug you are experiencing now... does that make sense?"
(awkward silence)
"Ingrid, I... I"
"Tad, I am asking you: Does that make sense to you?"
"Yes, but....how do you...? That bastard, Konrad told me he would keep me on the Anti-Sanctity... Ingrid, why do you think I won't tell Konrad that you know about all this?"
"Because now you are free, aren't you?"
"No, actually now I am drugged with one drug, instead of two... like some kind of double- negative redundancy..."
"Tad, I mean now YOU ARE FREE aren't you? aren't we all? ...I gotta go, really"
.
Shit, Sergio, I had to peel back two fingernails to pull off that kind of civility to that flaming cry-baby, but it can be very useful to have him on our side. And I don't think he's going to have a chance to talk to Konrad tonight!
21:07:39 Hrs
From the transponder of agent TF43
Sergio, the past 6 minutes since I sent my last message have felt more like 6 weeks. Here is what I have observed from the pantry. First, that asshole Marco can't even be on time for his own diabolical plans. Tad has been nervously pacing the kitchen since I got in the pantry. I can't exactly pop out without causing suspicion. Twice he came in here to have a little cry. He clasped his head in his hands and sobbed like a little school girl. Then he pulled back his head, gave himself a slight shake... (like a short haired dog ridding himself of a light coating of water), and said to himself: "you can DO this, honey, you can DO this." I am not sure that he convinced himself... He seems pretty practiced at this crying thing.
It was all I could do to hide myself among the boxes of bulk food stored in here... and my body is so desensitized from the clothespins and me whacking it against things, that I have started using small electrical shocks to keep myself sharp. I had just dug my fingernails through the wire to the light fixture just seconds before Tad came in, which effectively shorted it out and straightened me up.....so he never noticed my billowy mass in the dark among the crates of garlic. (There is SO much garlic here, Sergio.... crates and crates of it.)
Crates and woooonderful crates of gaaaaarlic....
Sergio, the past 6 minutes since I sent my last message have felt more like 6 weeks. Here is what I have observed from the pantry. First, that asshole Marco can't even be on time for his own diabolical plans. Tad has been nervously pacing the kitchen since I got in the pantry. I can't exactly pop out without causing suspicion. Twice he came in here to have a little cry. He clasped his head in his hands and sobbed like a little school girl. Then he pulled back his head, gave himself a slight shake... (like a short haired dog ridding himself of a light coating of water), and said to himself: "you can DO this, honey, you can DO this." I am not sure that he convinced himself... He seems pretty practiced at this crying thing.
It was all I could do to hide myself among the boxes of bulk food stored in here... and my body is so desensitized from the clothespins and me whacking it against things, that I have started using small electrical shocks to keep myself sharp. I had just dug my fingernails through the wire to the light fixture just seconds before Tad came in, which effectively shorted it out and straightened me up.....so he never noticed my billowy mass in the dark among the crates of garlic. (There is SO much garlic here, Sergio.... crates and crates of it.)
Crates and woooonderful crates of gaaaaarlic....
Saturday, February 14
Oh Shit...
Marco just arrived. Grigori is with him. We're taking up positions just outside the house once they enter. We'll wait for your signal or the sound of gunfire.
Yes, God help us....
Friday, January 16
21:01:39 Hrs
From the Transponder of Agent TF43:
Sergio, I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and now am in the kitchen pantry waiting for Marco to arrive. Not sure how much longer I can stay here. The group of men that just came in are some key players here. Konrad is treating them very differently than he is the other guests... Most guests are treated the way a prize cow is treated, all the way up to the day it is slaughtered... Every employee seems to be here from middle-management on up. He's praising them, bragging about them, stroking their egos and making their coats look all nice and shiny. and if they weren't in their drug haze, they might notice.
The mixture of coke with the baseline of Sancity he has already clearly slipped into the company water-cooler is bizarre. Everyone is saying things like: "It's aaallll goood, relaaaax" But they say it over and over again in rapid repetition. I am doing my best to mimic it, so Konrad doesn't suspect, but it is a challenge in my state, so I simply say as little as possible.
Sergio, have you seen any sign of Marco, I will need to get back to the party soon.
Sergio, I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and now am in the kitchen pantry waiting for Marco to arrive. Not sure how much longer I can stay here. The group of men that just came in are some key players here. Konrad is treating them very differently than he is the other guests... Most guests are treated the way a prize cow is treated, all the way up to the day it is slaughtered... Every employee seems to be here from middle-management on up. He's praising them, bragging about them, stroking their egos and making their coats look all nice and shiny. and if they weren't in their drug haze, they might notice.
The mixture of coke with the baseline of Sancity he has already clearly slipped into the company water-cooler is bizarre. Everyone is saying things like: "It's aaallll goood, relaaaax" But they say it over and over again in rapid repetition. I am doing my best to mimic it, so Konrad doesn't suspect, but it is a challenge in my state, so I simply say as little as possible.
Sergio, have you seen any sign of Marco, I will need to get back to the party soon.
~N
20:33:26 Hrs
Automatic Delivery of Audio Recording From Transponder of Agent TF43:
[low humming in background] "..........mmmmmm mmmm mm hmmmmm The ciiiiircle of liiiiife mmmm hmmm mmmm hmmm"
"Ingrid, I am so glad you could come to my home this evening, especially this evening. I think it is time you had a .... promotion. You have probably observed that Ozerov is more than a little distracted these days, as are so many of my employees. but they are quite amusing, don't you think?"
"Yes, Konrad.
"They are amusing, and even better, they seem to stay out of the way... you know what I mean, don't you?
"Yes, Konrad, I do know exactly what you mean, Ozerov can be so..."
[barely audible squeak then small moan]
"Are you alright, Ingrid?"
"Yes, Konrad. Please excuse me."
"Not to worry, my dear. You look a bit uncomfortable, though. [whispering] But no wonder... your dress is rather tight. Thank you for wearing it. I love a woman who does what she is told. But now that you are here, I can think of nothing else than helping you get out of it."
[sounds of a group of people entering the room, chairs sliding as men stand to greet them. A small banging noise, like that of a woman's ankle against a leg of a table.]
[low humming in background] "..........mmmmmm mmmm mm hmmmmm The ciiiiircle of liiiiife mmmm hmmm mmmm hmmm"
"Ingrid, I am so glad you could come to my home this evening, especially this evening. I think it is time you had a .... promotion. You have probably observed that Ozerov is more than a little distracted these days, as are so many of my employees. but they are quite amusing, don't you think?"
"Yes, Konrad.
"They are amusing, and even better, they seem to stay out of the way... you know what I mean, don't you?
"Yes, Konrad, I do know exactly what you mean, Ozerov can be so..."
[barely audible squeak then small moan]
"Are you alright, Ingrid?"
"Yes, Konrad. Please excuse me."
"Not to worry, my dear. You look a bit uncomfortable, though. [whispering] But no wonder... your dress is rather tight. Thank you for wearing it. I love a woman who does what she is told. But now that you are here, I can think of nothing else than helping you get out of it."
[sounds of a group of people entering the room, chairs sliding as men stand to greet them. A small banging noise, like that of a woman's ankle against a leg of a table.]
19:46:04 Hrs
From Transponder of Agent TF43:
I am inside Konrad's party. So far all is 'normal'. Ozerov is way high on Sanctity. I think he could use a clothespin or two. He has been humming 'The Circle of Life' since he picked me up. Konrad saw us enter from across the living room, his expression was neutral, except I think I saw him smirk a bit when he heard Ozerov's humming. There is already a group in the back room, (the "entertainment room' I think you called it), totally coked out and twitchy. I have located the back kitchen door, where Marco will be coming in from. Konrad's personal assistant, Tad (what a ridiculous name... what, does he think, he is a little bit of something? Like he is so wonderful we can only handle a piece of him? I'll take a piece of him. I'll take a little piece and step on it, then another little piece and slice it real thin and put it on my pulled pork sandwich, I bet he would like that, I bet he needs to pull his own pork more than he would care to admOOOOOOWWWWWWWW FUCK FUCK FUCK .
Shit, Sergio, I had to slam my fingers in a door, I think my skin is going too numb under the clothespins.
What I was trying to say is, Tad is looking pretty nervous, and I don't think it is just from the coke. My instincts tell me his connection with Marco isn't anything consequential. I don't think Marco is part of Konrad's scheme. But I will watch out, we don't need any side dramas.
N
I am inside Konrad's party. So far all is 'normal'. Ozerov is way high on Sanctity. I think he could use a clothespin or two. He has been humming 'The Circle of Life' since he picked me up. Konrad saw us enter from across the living room, his expression was neutral, except I think I saw him smirk a bit when he heard Ozerov's humming. There is already a group in the back room, (the "entertainment room' I think you called it), totally coked out and twitchy. I have located the back kitchen door, where Marco will be coming in from. Konrad's personal assistant, Tad (what a ridiculous name... what, does he think, he is a little bit of something? Like he is so wonderful we can only handle a piece of him? I'll take a piece of him. I'll take a little piece and step on it, then another little piece and slice it real thin and put it on my pulled pork sandwich, I bet he would like that, I bet he needs to pull his own pork more than he would care to admOOOOOOWWWWWWWW FUCK FUCK FUCK .
Shit, Sergio, I had to slam my fingers in a door, I think my skin is going too numb under the clothespins.
What I was trying to say is, Tad is looking pretty nervous, and I don't think it is just from the coke. My instincts tell me his connection with Marco isn't anything consequential. I don't think Marco is part of Konrad's scheme. But I will watch out, we don't need any side dramas.
N
More Sting Than Tickle
Sergio,
Thank you for reminding me of our little 'technique'. Who knew something so depraved, so kinky could very well end up saving the world. And what a world it is, when pain is the only thing sobering enough to keep me from wanting to inflict pain on everyone I look at. If my state, induced by the AntiSanctity is anything close to Konrad's natural state we are all in terrible danger.
In my moments without the clothespins I feel myself being swept into this strange world where other people's suffering makes me strong...it is like I can feel their power leave them and enter me. In this state, Konrad is the only other person who I can connect with. It is like everyone else is just ghosts of... not even people... just these annoying cobwebs that prevent me from going where I want to go, that slow me down... and then there is Konrad. I see him clearing away the same cobwebs and it is like we both know we are helping each other, it is like we are soulmates... I need him to complete me, without him I feel lost and I must help Konrad with OOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW OOOOOOOWWWWWW FUCK AAAGGGGHHHHH OOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!
Luckily I took your advice and have attached a few clothespins to my body under my fat suit. In certain, unpredictable, moments the suit causes them to shift and allow a new sting to my otherwise numbed and damaged flesh. As I was saying before, inflicting pain upon myself seems to be the only way to keep my mind clear.
My transmitter is fixed and ready. Of course to provide the most security, the least chance of detection, we will not be able to actually converse. The transmitter will automatically send you what I have recorded at regular intervals, and I can also hit send when I like. But I will only receive your messages when I am in a moment where it is safe enough to do so. We can't risk anyone overhearing you or hacking in. Sergio, I feel strong knowing you are here, but I cannot say I have confidence in this mission tonight. I think that.... Wait, I see Ozerov coming up the driveway to pick me up. Our next contact will be through the transmitter.
Good night my love. I am afraid of the circumstances under which I will see you next. You have been so unreliable lately and I am not sure of your usefulness to me or anyone for that matter. Your idiotic macho bullshit has no one fooled and your so called 'intelligence' is questionable. When I think of what a waste of human flesh you are, weak, and so selective about who you kill, as if anyone is worthy of life in this fucking sludge factory we call OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW FUCK OOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW BASTARD SHIT AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGG AAAGGGHHOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Sergio, I love you. God help me.
Nikita
Thank you for reminding me of our little 'technique'. Who knew something so depraved, so kinky could very well end up saving the world. And what a world it is, when pain is the only thing sobering enough to keep me from wanting to inflict pain on everyone I look at. If my state, induced by the AntiSanctity is anything close to Konrad's natural state we are all in terrible danger.
In my moments without the clothespins I feel myself being swept into this strange world where other people's suffering makes me strong...it is like I can feel their power leave them and enter me. In this state, Konrad is the only other person who I can connect with. It is like everyone else is just ghosts of... not even people... just these annoying cobwebs that prevent me from going where I want to go, that slow me down... and then there is Konrad. I see him clearing away the same cobwebs and it is like we both know we are helping each other, it is like we are soulmates... I need him to complete me, without him I feel lost and I must help Konrad with OOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW OOOOOOOWWWWWW FUCK AAAGGGGHHHHH OOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!
Luckily I took your advice and have attached a few clothespins to my body under my fat suit. In certain, unpredictable, moments the suit causes them to shift and allow a new sting to my otherwise numbed and damaged flesh. As I was saying before, inflicting pain upon myself seems to be the only way to keep my mind clear.
My transmitter is fixed and ready. Of course to provide the most security, the least chance of detection, we will not be able to actually converse. The transmitter will automatically send you what I have recorded at regular intervals, and I can also hit send when I like. But I will only receive your messages when I am in a moment where it is safe enough to do so. We can't risk anyone overhearing you or hacking in. Sergio, I feel strong knowing you are here, but I cannot say I have confidence in this mission tonight. I think that.... Wait, I see Ozerov coming up the driveway to pick me up. Our next contact will be through the transmitter.
Good night my love. I am afraid of the circumstances under which I will see you next. You have been so unreliable lately and I am not sure of your usefulness to me or anyone for that matter. Your idiotic macho bullshit has no one fooled and your so called 'intelligence' is questionable. When I think of what a waste of human flesh you are, weak, and so selective about who you kill, as if anyone is worthy of life in this fucking sludge factory we call OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW FUCK OOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW BASTARD SHIT AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGG AAAGGGHHOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Sergio, I love you. God help me.
Nikita
Sunday, December 14
Code: Clothespins
Nikita,
Remember that thing we did with the clothespins that time? Sooo hot...You said you had never felt more alive, yet violated in a most peculiar manner? It's time again...Find some clothespins as soon as possible. Use 7 if you have to - I think six was your limit, but the current circumstances dictate the strongest stimuli possible...
You must, without fail, be certain to do the following exercise immediately - Do this! your sanity depends on it...
Now.. you know where you like the clothespins to be - put them on - NOW! all seven - are they in place? good...
Focus.... focus....focus..... remember your mission....squeeze two of them now. Hard. remember the mission. grab two others and squeeze them now. really hard. you must remember the mission. You are undercover, you are to keep Ozerov alive - you are the woman I love. squeeze them again - You are the woman I love. harder! I love you. Keep squeezing...Konrad is your enemy. Do not trust him - He wants to harm everyone - keep your distance emotionally - now choose another clothespin - squeeze it until you want to scream -that is to remind you of me, of the desire I feel for you, the lust I feel for you, the love I feel for you, the overwhelming need I have for you - do not forget! if you think you are forgetting, if you begin to doubt my love for you at any time, squeeze there again...over and over until the thought dissipates - the bruises will only be temporary, but your mind will remember the love that lies hidden inside you - Squeeze the first two again - remember the mission! squeeze them again - now you will remember everything I just told you.... you can let go now, the conditioning will stay with you for a few minutes at least...
Now,
I don't know WTF Grigori is talking about, wanting you to get close to Marco - I heard Marco is telling practically everyone he knows that he will kill you on sight - with malice... Do me a favor and ignore that little tidbit from Grigori - sometimes I wonder if his personal motives get in the way of the missions...my own paranoia radar is going off on this deal...We've got too many fish to fry with this Konrad thing to even worry about Marco right now...What is Grigori up to?
Grigori doesn't know, but I've made arrangements to return there and be nearby Konrad's cabin this evening - Since you're required to attend, and since Konrad's invite specifically asks for your attendance, we can't be too careful - I'd prepare for the worst - Konrad may be onto you and Ozerov, and may be using his remote lake house to set you two up - It's also possible he needs both of you to handle the distribution channels, as he cannot be so close to end users without drawing any more attention to his already compromised lab.
I expect for the evening to go one of two ways - either the meeting is a legitimate gathering of business partners that will require your deeper involvement in the distribution channels, and you are there strictly on business....the meeting will go fine and all parties will leave without incident.
or...
Konrad is ready to tie up all loose ends before going international with his plans - I'm afraid Ozerov may be a loose end, and therefore, you qualify as one also - (and I'd make a joke about your loose end - a fat suit joke - if you weren't so sensitive right now.... STOP! Pinch yourself if you feel anything other than humor at that line!) Now...pack your fat suit wisely with your favorite weapons, my dear - the evening could get interesting...
I'll have a boat waiting on the lakeshore, and a few of our men will be in hiding around the lake house compound. It's hard to get too close because of all the activity up there, but after dark we'll move in, being sure to stay back and out of the way unless we hear or see anything out of the ordinary going on - Your HF transmitter is small and easy enough to fit right on top of your "assets" and can be accessed quickly if there is a situation - if that isn't possible, use your old standby, the Nikita scream...We'll swoop in fast if we get either distress signal....
Are you still wearing the clothespins? God, I miss hearing your scream - it reminds me of so many things we have done...you know what I am talking about. yes, those things.....give them one more hard squeeze for me...
I hope to see you through my night vision goggles tonight, safe and out of harms way - I'll be the one undressing you in my mind - that fat suit is the first thing to go...then your dress, then .. well, let's hope the evening is all business and not a shoot 'em up. I'l be near and ready to equalize the situation if things go wrong Nikita....know that...
S
Remember that thing we did with the clothespins that time? Sooo hot...You said you had never felt more alive, yet violated in a most peculiar manner? It's time again...Find some clothespins as soon as possible. Use 7 if you have to - I think six was your limit, but the current circumstances dictate the strongest stimuli possible...
You must, without fail, be certain to do the following exercise immediately - Do this! your sanity depends on it...
Now.. you know where you like the clothespins to be - put them on - NOW! all seven - are they in place? good...
Focus.... focus....focus..... remember your mission....squeeze two of them now. Hard. remember the mission. grab two others and squeeze them now. really hard. you must remember the mission. You are undercover, you are to keep Ozerov alive - you are the woman I love. squeeze them again - You are the woman I love. harder! I love you. Keep squeezing...Konrad is your enemy. Do not trust him - He wants to harm everyone - keep your distance emotionally - now choose another clothespin - squeeze it until you want to scream -that is to remind you of me, of the desire I feel for you, the lust I feel for you, the love I feel for you, the overwhelming need I have for you - do not forget! if you think you are forgetting, if you begin to doubt my love for you at any time, squeeze there again...over and over until the thought dissipates - the bruises will only be temporary, but your mind will remember the love that lies hidden inside you - Squeeze the first two again - remember the mission! squeeze them again - now you will remember everything I just told you.... you can let go now, the conditioning will stay with you for a few minutes at least...
Now,
I don't know WTF Grigori is talking about, wanting you to get close to Marco - I heard Marco is telling practically everyone he knows that he will kill you on sight - with malice... Do me a favor and ignore that little tidbit from Grigori - sometimes I wonder if his personal motives get in the way of the missions...my own paranoia radar is going off on this deal...We've got too many fish to fry with this Konrad thing to even worry about Marco right now...What is Grigori up to?
Grigori doesn't know, but I've made arrangements to return there and be nearby Konrad's cabin this evening - Since you're required to attend, and since Konrad's invite specifically asks for your attendance, we can't be too careful - I'd prepare for the worst - Konrad may be onto you and Ozerov, and may be using his remote lake house to set you two up - It's also possible he needs both of you to handle the distribution channels, as he cannot be so close to end users without drawing any more attention to his already compromised lab.
I expect for the evening to go one of two ways - either the meeting is a legitimate gathering of business partners that will require your deeper involvement in the distribution channels, and you are there strictly on business....the meeting will go fine and all parties will leave without incident.
or...
Konrad is ready to tie up all loose ends before going international with his plans - I'm afraid Ozerov may be a loose end, and therefore, you qualify as one also - (and I'd make a joke about your loose end - a fat suit joke - if you weren't so sensitive right now.... STOP! Pinch yourself if you feel anything other than humor at that line!) Now...pack your fat suit wisely with your favorite weapons, my dear - the evening could get interesting...
I'll have a boat waiting on the lakeshore, and a few of our men will be in hiding around the lake house compound. It's hard to get too close because of all the activity up there, but after dark we'll move in, being sure to stay back and out of the way unless we hear or see anything out of the ordinary going on - Your HF transmitter is small and easy enough to fit right on top of your "assets" and can be accessed quickly if there is a situation - if that isn't possible, use your old standby, the Nikita scream...We'll swoop in fast if we get either distress signal....
Are you still wearing the clothespins? God, I miss hearing your scream - it reminds me of so many things we have done...you know what I am talking about. yes, those things.....give them one more hard squeeze for me...
I hope to see you through my night vision goggles tonight, safe and out of harms way - I'll be the one undressing you in my mind - that fat suit is the first thing to go...then your dress, then .. well, let's hope the evening is all business and not a shoot 'em up. I'l be near and ready to equalize the situation if things go wrong Nikita....know that...
S
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