Dinner with Konrad

Nikita,

Phew.

I'm getting my head back together now, finally - three days of melting walls, voices, gods speaking to me, crying like a baby in a fetal position on the  bathroom floor, hysterical laughter for hours on end - my muscles ache - my sides hurt from laughing and throwing up - there's so many fuzzy details, so many that are too painfully clear - It started out innocently enough (but of course it's Konrad, so the pretense of innocence is fundamentally wrong anyway...yes, I digress) We met at Konrad's castle Last Saturday night - me and 7 other guests were invited for what I was told would be a very special evening/dinner with Konrad and friends - His place is an 18th century castle that was bombed out during world war 2 -it has been partially rebuilt in the old style, and then parts of rooms are super modern - large curved panels made of  brushed titanium and vanadium  meet with custom glass block or rusty steel to create some of the most amazing architecture I've ever seen - It's like super high tech lab meets architectural digest meets a romanticized medieval castle. Gorgeous rugs cover the stone floors and the walls were covered with artwork that most likely hung in the castles of the Russian Czars before the revolution. 

Dinner was incredible - We were all seated at a long oak table, probably several centuries old, and the drinks and food kept coming. Stories of Konrad's checkered past (yes, even more checkered than now) were the common theme of the evening - at some point, the talk moved to drugs and the consumption of them, and soon thereafter, the trays of food were replaced with trays of Konrad's own synthetic cocaine and speed. Several of the guests were quite pleased at the turn of events - It was apparent that a few had showed up for this part of the evening only, and had been politely waiting for the real festivities to begin - I know why they call some people 'fiends' when describing drug usage - some people can't help themselves, and start to lose all control of their social etiquette -  they get greedy and crazed - selfish - they can only think of  the next line and get very weird and paranoid about everyone else around - suspicions and irrational behavior compound one another until a seemingly benign cocktail party and dinner become a crazed drug fest...

So... I politely refuse to partake of the drugs the first six or so times I am asked, and one of the couples there starts in on me - asking why I refuse this great man's hospitality, wondering aloud why I was invited if I'm not into getting high with everyone else, and I'm beginning to get a bad feeling about where this evening is going - of course it would be simple enough to join them in their debauchery, but instead I decide to try and figure out if Konrad is up to something else by inviting me here. Even the best made plans sometimes go awry...

You know how you can be in a large group of people and several conversations are going on, and then everybody stops talking at once but words keep coming out of your mouth and everybody hears them? Well, just to mess with the couple who kept insisting that I snort some coke with them, I jokingly claimed to be from Interpol - It was a total tongue in cheek moment to me, but everyone had just stopped talking and all they heard me say was Interpol - the room turned from a lively din to a dead silence - paranoid people high on coke now think I am there to arrest them and put an end to the party - I can see the rage and confusion building in their eyes - Konrad broke the silence with one word.... "sanctity." Heads shook in agreement - It was as if they all had an evil smirk overtake their faces in unison - they knew something I didn't, and I tried to ease the situation back to normalcy by saying it was all a misunderstanding, that I didn't do coke anymore after my septum rotted away in the 90's from too much coke back then, but my story fell on deaf ears  - I was the outsider, and the group had to preserve itself from the threat of me - Konrad said, " We'll all move to the entertainment room now, there's something I want you all to see". I was relieved at my host's attempt to calm the situation down, but I was still wondering in the back of my mind what code word 'sanctity' meant...

The group moved from the dining room into the grand hallway, and then walked toward a large set of carved wooden doors. Konrad walked with me, holding his arm around my waist, and was telling me he knew there was a misunderstanding, but all of the other guests were his longtime friends, and he didn't want the situation to get out of hand with all the paranoia, so it was best we try and distract them all from the Interpol joke by checking out his new state of the art entertainment system. 

I fully expected to see a top of the line home movie system as we passed through the doors into the "entertainment room", but the room was quite plain and sterile. There was no furniture, except for over in one corner of the quite large room, there was a semicircle of chairs surrounding a dental chair. I felt a small prick on my neck and looked up to see Konrad's face  - he was wearing quite the mischievous grin as my head began to swirl and the corners of my eyes went dark. 

I don't think it was long before I came to - the whole group was laughing,  the trays of coke were back, and everyone was going about their partying while I was busy trying to free my bound hands and feet. I was strapped to the dental chair. 

I surprised everyone when I bellowed, "What the fuck are you doing?" They laughed at me and basically  pretended I wasn't even there - I made the usual assessment (per the manual) for situations like these, and my options were very limited - of course I could have swallowed my tongue, but that seemed quite drastic for the time being. Konrad was not in the room, so I guessed that nothing was going to happen until he returned anyway. I tried to make light  conversation with the friends, but they all pretended not to hear me - The next thing out of my mouth was, "let me out of this chair, or I will fucking kill all of you." That did raise some eyebrows, and one of the men there remarked,  "A businessman who sells industrial chemicals wouldn't address anyone in that manner, even if he was strapped to a dental chair. You must be Interpol."  "And you will all be very dead if I am," I said, and I think they may have begun to halfway believe me by this point, but our conversation ended when Konrad entered the room and proclaimed, " the Sanctity is here!" 

Konrad approached me and revealed a small syringe about half full of a slightly amber liquid. It sucks to panic while you are unable to run away. Konrad saw the fear in my eyes, and reassured me -  " You will feel no pain, only pleasure, and your senses will be overwhelmed with love and kindness for your fellow man - You will see reality as you have never seen it before, and you will be unable to lie or feign your true feelings and thoughts - you've heard of ecstacy, right?" 

I nodded. "This is better and doesn't fry your brain like that stuff - it's  little cocktail I've had my boys in the lab cook up for special occasions such as this - we've all done this together, and we came up with the name "sanctity" to describe the feeling of overwhelming peace it gave us - it was truly a mystical experience - we have no secrets between us, and we love and accept one another , despite all of our human frailties."   

"Why am I strapped to this chair if this drug makes you feel so kindly toward your fellow man?" I asked.  Konrad spoke very matter of factly - "because many things have happened since we have been spending time together, and it may be just a coincidence, but a man of my power and position has to cover his ass, and I can no longer take you at your word - I've disposed of many men and women who tried to get close to me to further their own goals. If anyone ever threatens my empire, or tries to take me down, bad things will happen to them and to the world. My plans will not be spoiled by a chemical salesman from Kursk or whatever you are - Sanctity will answer all of our questions - if you are telling the truth,  you will live as a profoundly changed man -  if you are lying to me, I will show you no mercy."

My voice betrayed me by breaking just a little as I asked Konrad, "Aren't there better ways to determine if I am telling you the truth than sending me on a trip with some  crazy new designer drug?" Konrad's eyes lit up. " Yes, but this has to be the most satisfying way I know to discern truth from lies - I will derive much pleasure watching the expression on your face as I inject you..." I strained at the straps, and Konrad chuckled - "your squirming says you have something to hide" I replied, "My squirming comes from the absolute absurdity of this situation - I don't care to snort any more coke in my life, and suddenly 7 people I have never met, harmed, or otherwise wronged want me to trip my brains out against my will - let me out of this chair and we'll talk like civilized people. " 

You have a point," Konrad said. "I can imagine I would be terrified if I didn't know what was going to happen when somebody involuntarily injected me with drugs - which arm do you prefer?"  

"I prefer you stop before you make a mistake that cannot be undone."   

"That sounds like a threat."   

"It is."  

"What are you hiding Sergio?" 

"Remove these straps."   

"I can't do that."  

"You must - it concerns Ozerov."   

"Ozerov?  What has that pathological liar told you?"   

"Undo these straps, let's talk about it."   

" You're in no position to bargain, Sergio - You'll tell me the truth the moment Sanctity enters your vein - it's like a white light goes off in your head, and God himself is sitting next to you, counseling you, teaching you the secrets it takes most mystics lifetimes to learn - all will be clear, and you will tell me everything I ask - You'll even understand why I need to kill you if I find you've been lying to me, and you'll gladly forgive me as I cut your heart out with a power saw - Let's start now..."  

"Ozerov told me all about Celtox and his plans to sell the formula to another entity - He wants me to join with him and remove you from the picture - He claims you are the one who is mad, and I have to agree with him at this exact moment -  I was going to discuss the matter with you later this very evening before things got so out of hand - Let me out of these fucking straps now - I was smart enough to leave instructions with a trusted friend that will expose your illegal empire if I somehow disappear this evening."

"Well played Sergio - You're not a chemical salesman are you?" 

"Look Konrad - We can both ruin one another quite easily at this juncture - let me out of this chair and we'll figure out a way to solve our mutual problems, and maybe, just maybe, we will be the best of friends and business partners when all is said and done." 

The coke party had ceased to be a laughing matter by this point - all the other guests were silent and looking at one another, trying to guess where the situation was headed - they all knew Konrad was a killer, and were amazed I wasn't dead or tripping my brains out by now.

Konrad thought a few seconds before proclaiming that the party was over and the guests all had to leave. The couple who originally mixed it up with me and caused this whole situation protested, and insisted everyone should do sanctity together and heal this uncomfortable situation - Konrad's face grew cold and his voice had a serious timber I had never heard before - "The party is over - get the fuck out of here now - don't call me, I'll call you when this situation has been dealt with."

Everyone took their leave, and it was Konrad and me alone - I was still in the chair, and Konrad pulled a chair right up next to me, sat down, and leaned in. "Now - Where were we?"

"You were letting me out of this chair so we can talk about our common problem, Ozerov."

"I think you need to stay in the chair, Sergio."

"Here's the deal Konrad - If I don't return to my apartment this evening, tomorrow morning a packet will be delivered to national and international agencies that deal with rogue scientists - it will contain everything Ozerov told me, and is more than enough to have you under a microscope - I'm sure a diversified businessman like yourself doesn't need any more scrutiny than you already have, especially from regulators and dare I say, Interpol?"

"Sergio, you will make a formidable opponent. I will enjoy playing this game with you and killing you when I am done making your life a living hell. What was the name of that little bird whore I raped? She told me she 'belonged" to you - I'm betting a man such as yourself is probably not so concerned with his own safety, but a certain weakness infects your type - a weakness for women, especially gorgeous little whores like her - am I right? Is this who has the packet of information Ozerov gave you? You've bet your life on the reliability and honesty of a whore?" I'll send my driver to get her tonight - you think a fine piece of ass like that will get away from me so easily? I've had her followed,  and know what you two are up to."

I was able to keep from showing any emotion, but I was exploding inside -  Konrad knew my one weakness - and he raped you?  I could not bear the thought. And I wasn't sure to believe him or not about knowing where you were, but it was a possibility, and I had to play about the last card I had - Konrad must not get to you.

"Give me the Sanctity Konrad" 

"Either you are trying to protect your little whore, or you think you can gain some favor by agreeing with me now?"

"I've told you the truth, and you still refuse to believe me. I can lay here high on sanctity while you find out what I have already told you to be true - It's a risk I am willing to take, because you need me - Ozerov has the means to take you down, and you need me to help you cleanse the breach in your lab. I would be most grateful if you allow me freedom during my experience with sanctity - are you going to take some too?"

"Unfortunately, you have made it impossible for me to enjoy the full experience sanctity offers - it takes almost three days for the trip to end, and I have some serious damage control to institute immediately at the lab. I will let you free after I have injected you. You will be harmless to all creatures at that point anyway."

There was a knock at the door, and Konrad got up to answer - Two of the couples had come back for more coke, as they were beginning to come down - Konrad was calmed down somewhat by this point and took mercy on them - he told them to wait in the room while he went for more supplies - I pretended to be completely high on sanctity already and was telling the couples how much I loved them and how shiny they were and how Konrad and I were having such close moments and where was he, and could they just hold me and hug me, I needed to be hugged, and let me go so I could touch them and feel the love inside of them and the short stocky woman came right over and undid the clasps on my hands before Konrad walked back into the room - "What the fuck are you doing!" he yelled - I already had one leg undone, and the other was almost there, and Konrad was running at me, screaming  - the tray with the syringe was between us, and I only had to knock it over to give myself enough time to get my other leg undone - Konrad was scrambling onto the floor to grab the syringe, and I was getting out of the chair and grabbing the first thing I could find to defend myself from Konrad and the two other guys - the ladies backed away, and then it was like I was a lion tamer - I had a chair, and the two guys were only half committed to getting into a physical situation with me, and Konrad was barking orders at them, actually doing me a favor, as they were getting more freaked out by  the minute because he was so angry with them, and they basically looked at me, and then Konrad, and then each other, and they just grabbed Konrad's extra coke and ran out the door. 

Konrad backed off, and sat down in a chair - I remained standing with a chair and about twenty feet between us. I saw him take the syringe and stick it in his arm - he pumped half of the liquid into his vein, and slowly looked up at me - he had such a drastically different look on his face - one of kindness and almost childlike joy  - He began to spill his guts about how he had been wrong about me, and that he was sorry for thinking I was some sort of impostor, and he apologized for being such a terrible host, and he was alternately crying and sighing between the biggest smiles I have ever seen on a grown man - He went on about needing a true friend, and that he was hoping to find that in me, and could I please join him in this space and achieve enlightenment, and I was just dumbfounded at how sincere and real and genuine he seemed at that moment. 

 I relaxed my grip on the chair and sat it down on the floor, still a good distance from Konrad.

I didn't know what to say, and was at a loss as to how to move forward from this turn of events - I began to speak, and thanked Konrad for allowing me to get out of the dental chair, for not killing me, for not drugging me sooner - he laughed hysterically at the thought of himself wanting to kill me - "How could I possibly kill another human being? How? How? I love you man! You're the best friend I ever had - we'll get through all of this!"  I told him I would be taking my leave, and that things were fine between us, and no hard feelings, and I would see him in a few days at our next sales meeting, and bid him farewell. He was sitting there with his head back, looking up at the ceiling, muttering something unintelligible, so I turned and walked toward the door - I felt another sting, this time in my love handle, and knew immediately he had thrown the syringe at me - bastard was a great shot, as the thing hit me and stuck into my left side love handle - not that there's a huge one there or anything like that, but I was hit, and  just a little bit of sanctity worked its way into my muscles.

I broke into a jog, and my mind was starting to race - how long before this stuff incapacitates me - does it have to be intravenous, or does it work in muscles too - how much is enough to make a person high? Whoa, it's beginning to work / it's beginning to make me high/ I'm beginning to see white lights / I am running in slow motion /  I'm out the front door /  wow, look a the sky tonight  /  I have to stop and look at that  /  I've never seen so many stars  / where's my car?  / Konrad's not that bad of a guy after all /  where is Nikita? /  I have to find her /  I love her /                / floating /  I want to lay with her and hold her and tell her how I am feeling / My car door feels like rubber  / my hands don't work / I wish they did /             /   I'd pretend they were Nikita / I have to drive / Where am I?/Who am I?/               / Who are you?

you

you

ahhhh

you.

 

Hidden Truths

Sergio,
It is just like you... to be able to be in the middle of our most dangerous and delicate mission, and still you can focus on the mingling of our energies instead of the webs of our deceptions.

I suppose you are right, perhaps I do have more to share with you that is unspoken, but years of practice in hiding the truth has made it inaccessible, even to me. Perhaps that is why i have always craved the covers where I must disguise myself so extremely... it helps me feel sure of, at least, who I am not. I am not the woman in the fat suit, and you are right again... I am sure I never will be. It is when the suit is off that I am not so confident. Perhaps the secrets you are sensing are the secrets I am keeping from myself. Those conflicts within create a dissonance in me that a man like you (so expert in reading the nuances of truth and lies) can certainly feel.

When I am with you I feel that dissonance smooth out, like saxophone players tuning to the same note.... It feels good and that is why I find myself taking risks... those 'non-regulation moves' as you describe them... in order to be near you. I dream that in the quiet of this peace I will hear the secrets my heart wants to tell us.

On another note, I believe things are going well with Ozerov. I do my best to not be totally alone with him just yet, in case he tries to speak to me as Genovese. As Ingrid I can afford to make small errors and it makes sense... new girl in the office... and over time I will know everything anyway. Konrad has been to his office and seems to enjoy Ozerov, he jokes with him and slaps him on the back and gives him strange, knowing looks. It seems the idea that Ozerov could have killed his personal assistant is something that bonds them. If this really was Ozerov's plan, it proves that he does indeed know Konrad very well, and that he is perceptive to people. Just a warning to be careful. Ozerov may be willing to help bring Konrad down, but I don't think that means he is unwilling to bring anyone down.

You mentioned you have an appointment to see him this week, but he has not told me about it, so i am not fully in his confidence yet.

Be careful my sweet,
Nikita

The Pretzel

Nikita,

Your existential musings amuse me. I'm sure you'll stick with the fat suit - Your eating binge will end the first time you feel your body begin to jiggle in strange new places ( remember me telling you your breasts jiggle perfectly last time we 'met'? I wasn't referring to them - )  Perhaps you've set another of your femme fatale 'traps' for me to fall into - You want me to say whether I will still love you when you're fat, and I'm not even going to attempt answering such a loaded query. Let's just leave it with you knowing I'm halfway shallow and deep within I prefer your ripped and ready body. Especially since I'm looking at it right now, snuggled next to me on my couch. It was such a turn on when you came through my fire escape window earlier this evening. Once again you have touched me deeply with your non-regulation moves. Were you in the circus? That pretzel thing you did still takes my breath away. Really, I'm still having a hard time breathing - but damn... MMMMMMMMMMMM. On a more serious note, sometimes when you are looking deep into my eyes, I get the feeling you want to say so much more to me than you do - know your secrets, professional or personal, are safe with me.

S

human mouse trap

sergio,
It is these situations where we must be at our best. This will be a delicate operation for sure.
I have my new assignment and cover. Grigori has given managed to give me an assignment inside Konrad's Laboratory as Ozerov's new personal secretary, Ingrid. His former secretary was Genovese... Ozerov's 'official Celtox' story is that he sensed that Konrad didn't trust Genovese and feared he would kill her, so he told Konrad he had done the deed himself. In reality, Ozerov sent her to get plastic surgery in order to totally change her appearance and identity. Now, whether this was to placate Konrad and get on his good side, while still being able to keep on his existing secretary and better carry out his desertion from Konrad... or whether Ozerov did it as a bizarre threat to Genovese, still remains to be known... What a cruel torture that would be... to be made to 'disappear' and then to be still here... in another person's face, body, name......witnessing meeting people you knew and loved look you in the eye and not know you. To watch people grieve over your past self which is really your true self but not really because now you are truly someone else... which brings up all kinds of questions of existence and 'who am I?' and such.

But the important point is that now I am 'Ingrid'. The real Ingrid, (who is... was... no is Genovese) was intercepted on the operating table and is being 'held' by our organization and is being 'persuaded' to divulge information. She is being held in a room with no mirrors so she doesn't even know if she looks like she remembers or not... with the drugs they are giving her and the brainwashing, she should be sufficiently fucked up for the rest of her life .... and will likely feel the frequent desire to say: "Gosh, I just don't feel myself today".

Ozerov will think I am Genovese, now in the identity of Ingrid. From this position I should be able to get a lot of information on both Ozerov and Konrad and understand better their relationship. Of course since Konrad has seen me once, I myself am in deep disguise. I have to wear a 'fat suit' until I naturally gain the required 75 pounds, I have cut my hair short, dyed it black and am wearing green contact lenses. I have fake bushy eyebrows and have stopped shaving under my arms. I am not entirely thrilled about this. Except perhaps for the part where I am getting paid to eat cookies.

I cannot help but wonder what you would think of me if you could see me now. Could you see through the layers? I am sure we will see each other on this mission if you are contacting Ozerov. I don't know what worries me more: that we will give ourselves away by our unmistakable energetic connection... or that you will look at me with horror when you see the beast that I am disguised as. Now, my love I must go... my bread pudding is almost ready and I think there is a small mammal stuck in my armpit hair.
nikita

Celtox

Nikita,

I had codeworks look over the anonymous papers with the chemical equations - apparently the whole thing was an encoded message from a scientist who works for Konrad named Anatoly Ozerov. He is an expert on Celtox37 and claims to be having a crisis of conscience. That was reason enough to meet him for tea, even though I'm not sure how he found out about my 'work'.  We met this afternoon at a small eatery near my now 'most favorite park in the world'. I have a few burns of my own to commemorate our magical evening there. I had no idea your porcelain skin would be so susceptible to splinters. I am sorry. Maybe.

After the usual social formalities, Ozerov went into a sketchy but adequate enough story of how he knew to contact me about Celtox. He knew I had been spending a lot of time with Konrad and his posse, and wanted to personally warn me of the danger the man poses to myself and the world at large.

It turns out that Konrad is as notorious in the world of scientists as he is in the red light district. He is feared by his professional peers as well as his enemies. Known for silencing anyone (using all sorts of unsavory methods) that doesn't share his 'vision' of how the world works, he has managed to build quite an empire among the new order of organized crime groups in eastern europe. Synthetic cocaine and amphetamines coming out of his labs have made him millions, and his excesses have grown proportionately with his bank account. He has managed to stay out of jail through payoffs and favors - many unsolved murders in the red light district are rumored to be his handiwork, and anyone that threatens his livelihood seems to meet with some sort of untimely demise.

Ozerov  went into a lengthy explanation of his involvement in the creation of the new supertoxin named Celtox37. Advances in DNA mapping have made it possible to create toxins that are only lethal to people with certain DNA characteristics. Instead of trying to save the world from Cancer or other horrible diseases, Konrad has led the research into killing people based on their genetic makeup. It's more complex than I can explain in an e-mail, but you get the idea. Genetically engineered weapons of mass destruction  - a weapon with humans as the only casualty - no radioactive fallout or uninhabitable areas. No infrastructure damage. An easily transportable, seemingly benign clear liquid that is lethal to targeted individuals in minute amounts. God help us. 

The ability to target just one person is of special interest to Konrad  - Ozerov's team has been working on this aspect of the toxin for a few years, and is nearing completion of a simple field modification to the toxin. An assassin only needs a DNA sample from the intended victim - hair or  saliva will suffice - the sample is dissolved in a catalyst that creates a genetically specific lethal mix of celtox - it is clear and odorless, so it can be mixed into a drink easily, and will only kill the intended victim. (or immediate family members, it's not perfect yet) Here's the 'beauty' of Celtox - it is completely untraceable - victims die of natural causes, and there is no way to detect its presence in a person's system. The perfect murder weapon.  

Now, Konrad is not so foolish as to create a toxin of this sort without a few antidotes - to keep Ozerov from holding too many cards, Konrad has an antidote created by another one of his chemist teams that Ozerov is forbidden to communicate with.  It's easy enough to consider just taking Konrad out of the game tomorrow, old school. Sniper fire would be an efficient way for him to die... well, maybe too honorable... but he has all sorts of plans in place to unleash 1918 influenza if he is a victim of foul play - so, as much as I want the man dead for several reasons now (especially for touching you) it is fortunate for us that you weren't able to finish the job the other night. 

After writing all of this down, my head is beginning to unwind some - I was so taken by the possibility of such a weapon, that I ignored something very out of place - I'm not sure if Konrad has sent Ozerov - it is almost too convenient for all of this information to fall into my lap so easily - it may be that Konrad has made us both, or it may be true that Ozerov is having a moral crisis - either way, know that our time together has given me an inner peace  - I know love now. If we get into a situation where one of us is being used against the other, follow the handbook exactly. It may be a gamble with our lives, but following the protocol is the only way we can both know how one another will react in a crisis situation. 

S

Tickle and Sting

Sergio,

This will be short, as I am traveling to meet Grigori to receive my new cover. I am relieved as my only reason for asking for assignment to the brothel was to live out my fantasy of making love to you while being 'on the clock'... it certainly adds to the perks of the job! and of course there were all those expensive toys in the brothel, but your sexual pyrotechnics in the park made up for that. The small dots of red on my legs from the sparklers make me smile when I see them, remembering how they made me laugh and scream...as they tickled and stung... things I will become used to expecting with you. The splinters from the bottle rockets will take longer to heal.

Sergio, be careful... I investigated the address on that package... and it doesn't exist. If you walk that street and try to find it you will end up looking around and walking up and down between the same three doorways... where the address should be... much like - dare I say... a duck in a shooting gallery. I see Grigori coming, so I must go for now.. he is holding a briefcase that surely will have my new assignment... now I can see it better... it carries the logo of Konrad's laboratory.

I seal this with a kiss

N

Remember

I meant every word I whispered or yelled into your ears last night Nikita. When we were sitting there under the stars with your legs wrapped around me , undulating like chanting monks, I felt so open and close and safe. And in the next moment, I felt as if I could devour you in a frenzy of lust and sexual pyrotechnics. And so I did. At times I wasn't sure where I ended and you began - it seemed as if our souls were freely moving between our bodies. I feel alive in every fiber of my being today - the city is more beautiful, the colors more vibrant... I am smiling... I haven't allowed myself the luxury of loving a person in a long time Nikita - In our line of work, it's always best to remain unattached, detached, distant...Sex has always meant an exchange, a contact, a way to get something from somebody else - a taking of something that is to be used for another purpose - I had forgotten just how beautiful (practically spiritual) it is to connect with another person so deeply. Remember me as I was last night Nikita. It's the closest thing to my true being you may ever see. 

I've been in Minsk for less than a month and we have already created several messes that need attention. As much as I wish you had deveined Konrad, he is for now, integral to my work here - You know how well I am able to serve up a very cold revenge. I don't forget transgressions easily, especially when they involve you. Your continued employment at the brothel is not going to work, professionally or personally.  Grigori will reassign you under a different cover. There is another lab we need to infiltrate, so arrangements are being made. 

You mentioned Drobwa Avenue a few weeks ago - I can't remember in what context, but the name sounded familiar - I received a plain package from an address on that street today. Inside were several pages of complex chemical formulations. It's necessary for me to get to the bottom of this new development quickly, so I may be off the grid for a few days. 

Or not. If I can't see you, I'm compelled to stay as close to you as I can with words.

S

My Hero

Sergio,

I can barely express what I am feeling. Last night was going to be the worst night of my life and it ended as the best one... me in your arms... my heart swelling and my mind full of the realization that you are indeed my hero.

I have seen you kill a man with such cold decisiveness... how is it that excites me? to be so close to you... to bare my throat to a human who I have witnessed draw a blade across such a place and yet I welcome your sharp teeth as if the possibility of you taking my life would bring  us only that much closer together... my dream. Maybe you feel the same thrill and was why you insisted on leaving my knife strapped to my leg in my garter while we made love under the stars. You too have seen what I can do to a man. You never mentioned the blood under my fingernails... blood that you would be pleased to learn from whose flesh it came... except things are never that simple are they?

You didn't ask me and i didn't tell you some details about last night but perhaps you need to know:  Konrad came to the brothel, we went into the back and I stalled as long as I could but soon I was naked and he was... exposed... and approaching me. I will spare you the details... he was laughing and spitting on me. He started to enter me and and I could not bear it. I decided right there to kill him. I looked him in the eye, then leaned in as if to kiss his throat... I found the jugular with my lips... said to him: 'my body is only for Sergio' and plunged in for my death bite. But in that moment he startled and pulled back. I only made the equivalent of a large hickey... his cell phone had vibrated and he sat back to see the message...it was someone telling him about the damage to his building... you, my darling, saved my dignity...but also saved Konrad's life. 

He flipped his cell phone closed and I thought all was ok, but he leaned in, held me down, and told me he would 'see about Sergio and what he will share'. I pushed him back and not without digging my fingernails into his arm as he released me.

It was then that I ran to the park to be with you... my sweet... my hero... do you realize what you do by getting involved with me?

Don't trust the dealer...

There's nothing like a major security breach at a high tech lab facility to get people's attention. Especially Konrad's - I knew the only way to divert his attention from his most base desires was to create a diversion at  his lab. I'm quite impressed with my handiwork. I'd managed to befriend one of the lab's guards - he was with Konrad and I and a few others on one of our crazy nights on the town last week. Turns out his penchant for cocaine was an easy weakness to exploit. I called him the minute I got your message and told him I had located some very pure product, and he (very predictably) practically begged me to bring him some at the lab. He was on gate duty and wanted a distraction from the boredom. Under the guise of having a date tonight, I told him I'd drop by but couldn't stay to partake. I knew the cameras are always rolling, so I donned a wig and went as a long haired hippie type - leather jacket, glasses at night, fake beard, motor scooter - I think I looked like one of the guys in ZZ Top, but you probably don't know that reference. 

I'm a spy, not a writer, love. But I'm guessing this would be a good place to start a new paragraph. Perhaps in our later years, you can teach me how to make these thoughts coherent, and tell me the rules about making paragraphs...not!

So I made the drop to my friend, and my plan was in action. I made certain I was seen on the motor scooter by the security cameras, and then drove off around the block and ditched it in some bushes. I waited ten minutes and knew that by then, my guard friend would be dead. You can never trust drug dealers, especially in Minsk. Especially when the dealer is me.

On short notice, it's hard to make an especially damaging bomb out of a stolen vehicle, but with enough gasoline and the proper igniters, even a Renault Kangaroo can do some damage. Hey, it was the easiest car to steal - not the most glamorous but how often do our lives really come across like spy movies? I'm getting off subject. I approached the gate, quickly hopped out and without the help of my dead guard friend, buzzed myself in. I also borrowed his remote gate opener, as I didn't think he'd be needing it anymore. I couldn't help but notice myself in the security camera monitor - I look good in a beard and glasses....

I drove the 200 meters to the building and stopped about 30 meters from the door. I decided to forego the typical spy movie spectacular explosion for two reasons - first, I didn't want to completely take out the lab, as Konrad needed a place to work and I still wasn't sure of everything going on at the lab, and second, because I didn't have time to get a container full of petrol and ignition materials safe enough for a gas bomb. A stray brick would suffice. I lined up the little red car square on with the doors, and placed the brick on the gas pedal, put it in gear and started running toward the gate. I looked back just as the car was smashing through the entranceway to the lab, and  saw the inside guard leaping out of harm's way just in time. My non-explosion was still quite spectacular - the all-glass and brushed chrome entryway was destroyed in a very loud  and satisfying crash - the engine was still whining at high speed as the rest of the noise dissipated. 

Then there was yelling, then an alarm, then security lights, then dogs barking, then oh shit, I still have fifty meters to the gate, then another two hundred once I'm outside of that, and I haven't run this fast since preparatory school and I've been drinking too much lately and I feel sluggish and it's like I'm running in slow motion, and all that cheesecake is catching up with me, and how fast can those dogs run, and how far away are they, and maybe I better use this gate opener now because maybe it is electric, and maybe I'd better borrow the dead guard's gun and taser too, because I can't outrun those dogs, and the other guards will be close behind with automatic weapons and they live for this kind of shit. Now I'm in the guard house shuffling through the dead man's clothes  - I find a can of mace and spare bullets - where is his gun? The mace will have to do - I press the remote to close the gate and sneak through as it is closing, and I think the dogs won't make it, but one pesky one slips through and is on my leg in a second, and I have the mace out and am spraying and the dog yelps but won't let go and the stuff is burning my leg and I'm hoping the dog just rips through my pants and gives up because he is really slowing me down, and I know how you love all animals, so I'll spare you the other details, but I managed to get on the motor scooter and escape before being shot dead or mauled by the dog. 

Fifteen minutes later, the lab is in full alert mode as I pull over on a hilltop overlooking that part of town  - Lights, sirens, and there's Konrad's car, pulling up to the scene. I smile and hop back on the scooter to see if you're going to show up at the park. 

S

Don't make me give Konrad the bird

Sergio, Help me! I was preparing to meet you at sunset when I got a call from the head madame at the brother... Konrad has demanded a 'date' with 'the little bird' and he got the pronunciation just right... you must help me...I cannot play this charade with him... not when I know you are so near and are waiting for me. 

Sergio, you are sounding more like your confident self. I feel so close to you. I fear I may do something I will regret and will jeopardize the mission... but if I follow through on this I will jeopardize my heart's mission.

Help me,

Nikita

I did it again?

Oops. Russian never was my forte. I'd feel foolish if I wasn't so beside myself at last night's utter disaster. To know you were there while I was fending off the perverted bird makes me sad beyond belief. I'd ask for a do-over at the brothel if I didn't think there may be repercussions from the incident last night. I've never been so conflicted about a person Nikita - I have to see you. I can't even begin to write all of the things I am feeling for you, us. I'm certain that when I look into your eyes and hold you close, I will know more than I can ever discern from a thousand of your words. And I apparently have a paragraph problem. But I'm comfortable with it. It suits me. It's how I think. One long stream of thoughts I have to choose from, and I'm proud it's coherent at all. I'm testy. I must see you, hold you, smell you. There's a park by the dam, and it's far away enough from the center of town that we will not be noticed. I'll be there an hour before sunset. I'll have a picnic basket with your favorite cheeses and wine. (and of course a loaded handgun too) There. Simple. If you don't make it tonight, I'll be there tomorrow too. And the next day. Until then,

S

The Wrong Bird, My Sweet

Sergio,
Sometimes I don't know how you survive.
I warned that the pronounciation should be precise. You must have said: извращенный цыпленок instead... which translates to 'perverted chicken'

My dear Sergio, you can be so smart, but when it comes to anything to do with me, your sense and savvy is all wrong... it is the same insanity that causes you to forget to use paragraphs when you write... your brain starts to have thoughts all strung together, and you give yourself no time breathe and to assess what is really happening.

All night, I was in that Brothel. I also asked to be reassigned to Minsk. Grigori and I thought it best that I stay close to protect you. We decided that as much as I am a distraction to you, I will cause your mind to wander more if we are farther away from each other.

I was undercover as 'Little Bird'... waiting for you... to protect you. I was prepared to do anything necessary to preserve your cover... anything. You must be careful Sergio, and pull yourself together, both of our careers and lives are on the line. No one else must find out that we make each other vulnerable.

Yes, I remember our beautiful beginning. Simple, exciting... what must we do to return to that?

Birdland

If I've had a stranger night, Nikita, I can't recall when. I took your advice and ended up at the Red Whore with Konrad after a long night of drinking. In my best Russian accent, I loudly pronounced that "I want the 'little bird', and my comrade Konrad will have your best sexually deviant role player". The madame of the house actually raised an eyebrow, but I assumed it was due to the request for Konrad. The madame disappeared into the back rooms through a bead covered doorway, and we made ourselves comfortable in the small waiting area until our entertainment arrived. The first woman to appear from the back was a small, extremely hot redhead with alabaster skin and piercing blue eyes - eyes that gave you the feeling they had seen many unspeakable things, and weren't really bothered by it. She looked the part of "Little Bird," and I have to admit I was just a little let down when she looked at both of us and said, "Konrad"? His face lit up and we were making that face men make in situations like this - the face that says, "DAMN! She's totally hot, and I can't believe my luck!" Yes, we think that, even when we are paying for it...Konrad high fives me as he disappears behind the beads with his entertainment for the evening.  I wait another five minutes or so, and begin to wonder if  I've been forgotten. A strange sound began to emanate from the back, and after a few seconds, I realized it was someone imitating a chicken, but very badly. The clucks and whines came closer, but I still can't see anybody and I'm beginning to get a little creeped out - I see feathers behind the beads - obviously, this little bird really likes to play the part - I don't know how to politely say the next thing I saw, so here goes - a very large, no, huge (150+ kilos) woman in a full chicken outfit, complete with wings and beak and bird feet appears behind the beads - she is making bird sounds, strutting around like a chicken, pecking at the beads, having a bird conversation with herself, and she makes her way over to me in this weird circuitous path - she pecks at the furniture between us as if she is sampling her environment, sizing me up as part of her next meal, I don't know - my better judgement was too confused and hypnotized by this one woman freak show to exit the brothel. I  watched in horror as she approached me, looked me in the eyes, pecked my earlobe, then abruptly turned around and ruffled her ass feathers in my face. EEW! She continued her grotesque walk toward the back rooms and beckoned me to follow with her beak - keep in mind she still hasn't spoken a word other than chicken sounds -  For the life of me, I can't imagine going anywhere private with this abomination, and my head is swirling, wondering if it is some elaborate cover for one of our agents (I'm pretty sure this time it's not you) and perhaps when we go into the room, she will drop the disguise and speak to me like a normal person - I have no idea what to do - yes, for the first time in my career as a spy, I am at a loss for what to do next - so, per the manual, I follow through - we go down a long hallway with lots of doors and turns, lots of smells and noises I'm not sure I want to know the origin of, and we come to the end of a hallway - chicken wire surrounds the door, and one incubator-like light shines dimly overhead. Nikita - WTF have you gotten me into? The "little bird" opens the door ahead of me. (and I am  basically in shock at this point) A human sized bird nest has been crafted in the middle of the large room, complete with sticks and cotton and a large round futon in the middle - around the edges of the area are various devices that I am guessing can be used to hang a chicken upside down, restrain a chicken in many various positions, and a noose-like apparatus that I can only guess is for those who like to choke their chicken.  A huge bowl of jelly beans is on another table but I'm not hungry - the bird uses her wing to flip open a valve located on the wall - a slight hissing sound ensues, and I quickly begin to feel light headed - she begins to do some sort of "mating" dance - clucking and chucking, and I am beginning to find all of this very entertaining - within a few more seconds, I am howling, laughing to the point of tears, and find myself joining in this dance ritual- I begin to make bird sounds of my own, more rooster like of course, and the laughing gas is really beginning to kick in now - she makes her way over to the jelly beans, scoops up a mouthful, half chews them, and spits them at me, expecting me to catch them in my mouth - The batshit crazy scene I am part of  has me laughing to the point of tears, and I am surprised when the bird gets very upset that I won't let her regurgitate jelly beans into my mouth and charges at me, full speed - she knocks me backward into the nest, landing on top of me, and has me trapped due to her extreme weight - I am panicking, but the bird becomes very calm and focused - I am pinned between her prosthetic chicken feet, and she starts to hump me, and I am laughing, yet terrified, but I don't care, but I have to escape, but chickens don't hump, but this is no ordinary chicken, and suddenly the wings are coming off, and she is squeezing my nipples, cackling like a hen in heat, and I think I may have passed out for a bit right at this point (or maybe I was in shock and had to block the whole thing out of my mind to remain sane) but then I came to, and she was repositioning herself in a way that would have smothered me had I not been able to grab a large stick from the bird nest and give her a very painful poke in her egg chute - she rolled to one side and began to moan like an injured human - there, back in territory I am familiar with - at least the injured bird's moan let me know the immediate danger had passed, but I am still in some life-sized chicken 'processing' room in the back of a brothel, and since I came here upon your instruction, and since you must somehow know this strange bird, I leave a few hundred euros by the jelly beans and take my leave. I decided Konrad could take care of himself, and walked the 6 kilometers back to my hotel room to clear my head. 

But my head has not cleared Nikita. I'm not sure if you were given bad information, or if you have played some  horrible game of vengeance with me - I thought we were on the path to healing our strained relations after your last letter, but this morning I am not so certain. Can anything be simple with you? I miss the times we shared before my lust overwhelmed me - Remember our drive up into the Carpathian mountains?   It was so simple and close and good - The picnic by the mountain lake, the wine and cheese, our first kiss....The way we wanted the drive to last forever? My hand was on your knee and kept sliding south. I miss those times Nikita. I'm confused, but my work keeps the demons away for now. I must make my next rendevous , so that is all for now. 

S

 

Little Bird in the Red Whore

Sergio,
These two weeks have been painful to me... not from inflictions from another, but from my own internal torture. I don't know why I push you away, except that perhaps it is because you have proven to me that you will always push back. When I left the bookstore that fateful night I still had that Tony Robbins book clasped in my hand. After removing the small chunk of hair and blood stuck on it from the woman I clobbered, I decided to read it.

I realize now that due to my mother's habit of singing Britney Spear's song:"Oops I did it again" while my father used me to practice for the final exam of his gynecology degree, I seem to have created a reality where I cannot trust men, yet have taken on many masculine roles and so have learned to trust not even myself.

This is my way of saying I am sorry, Sergio, that I put you in an impossible situation with me. Two weeks at home with a self-help book trying to figure out who I am was more difficult than the time we were a couple of double agents having a three-some in order to expose the triple agent spy who was single, working for half pay on Seven Mile Island.

I heard you were really in the thick of things in Minsk... Celtox37 is very important. Grigori has a lot of faith in you if he has assigned you to this. Of course, you know that you are in serious serious danger. Konrad IS crazy and it is not too extreme to think he would test his Celtox37 on anyone just for fun. Odorless, tasteless, totally untraceable undetectable poison... and easier to manufacture than Iocane. If you piss him off he would not hesitate.

Although my heart aches at the thought of you in the red district with those whores, and I hate you for telling me, knowing that at least part of the reason you mentioned it is to hurt me the way I hurt you. But I am not up to the chapter in Tony Robbins book that discusses how to forgive myself, so I agree with you that I deserve to be punished just a little.

I have made some arrangements, though which I think will protect us both. When you go to the district, go to the place called the Red Whore (very original name, huh?) It will be just Konrad's style, he will be pleased. But make sure you request a girl called: небольшая птица
it is Russian for 'little bird'... you will have to figure out how to pronounce it... ask a local because you must get the pronunciation correct. This girl will give all the illusion necessary to preserve your reputation with Konrad, while also preserving your reputation with me. If of course this is still important to you.
Yours, Always... Nikita

Minsk is nice this time of year - for others...

The last two weeks here have been difficult Nikita - You enrage me, yet I cannot bring myself to close my heart off to you. Damn your overly analytical female mind. I didn't approach you or speak to you or otherwise "hit on" you at the bar. It was you who was making gestures toward me, and although I was flattered, I didn't do anything - I was waiting for the one I love to appear in the doorway of the bar, to slowly make her way over to me and without saying a word, make me feel more complete and comforted than I have known before. How could my demeanor be so horribly misconstrued? Are you so afraid to love that you have to push me away like that? And to use Grigori to hurt me? You inflict such pain with no weapon at all....The coldness with which you wrote in  your last contact has left me in a funk. The Scotch numbs my hurt to a point, but I have to stay alert enough to continue building my contact base and back story to gain access to the players here. 

I do owe you a debt of gratitude for sending the baker. Marco's men weren't going to kill me, but I would have suffered many painful internal injuries at their hands. Thank you.  As for celtox 37, it seems there are two facilities here capable of creating large enough quantities to sell on the black market. Both facilities are known to have dealings with the organization and selling weapons grade germs to the highest bidder, so I have once again found myself at the center rather than the fringes of the action... It's easy enough to pass myself off as an industrial chemicals salesman but I'm having a hard time with the "lobbying for business" part of the job - It distracts me from you to be out on the town with these crazy Minskan men, with their taste for fine vodka and food, but when they want to visit the red district, it's hard to make up excuses as to why I insult them by not sharing their women with them - if they knew the truth, they could use that against me. If I don't play along, I may not be able to gain the access I need to their labs. So far, my germophobic OCD excuse is working, but Konrad the crazy head chemist is still suspect of my motives.   Perhaps I'll tell them I'm in love with a dancer. That always gets a laugh...

S

I'm not going to Minsk words

S,
yes, perhaps Minsk IS the best place for you. You have allowed your heart to cloud your judgement. I don't know what i was thinking when I dreamed we could escape together last night. I saw you looking at me last night while I was at that bar. I saw a glimmer in your eye, and for a moment I dreamed it was a glimmer of recognition... but I know my disguise was good. I saw that glimmer as one of passion and adventure. It was that look in your eye that made me abandon my mission, defect and come to work for your side, oh those many years ago. Since then it has been nothing but dancing among shadows and encrypted promises.

Isn't it typical that the moment I admit that I want and need you, is the same moment that i witness first hand your attraction for 'another' woman... a stranger in a bar. And I know what I looked like. Knowing you could be attracted to the tacky, overweight monster that I was costumed as seems to have extinguished the fantasy i have been having all these years, that I was special, that I was somehow more beautiful, simply because you love me...

Yes, Sergio... i know you love me, I have always known. And yes, perhaps I have been playing with your heart... but like that baker, I have seen a lot. My heart has been mugged more than once and so I, too, carry some protection for it. I needed to test your love and just last night, when you almost approached that hideous creature of a woman at the bar... the woman that for a moment you were ready to trade nikita for, I got the answer I feared the most.

I left that bar and got out of town... but not without contacting my friend, Jordan... an ex-spy who managed to free himself from this miserable lifestyle and is working as... a baker. I knew you were drunk and although my heart was broken, i still wanted to protect you.

Sergio I hope you get your fill of women with bad dye jobs and rolls of fat folded into their jogging suits. I hope they are gentle and sweet and safe. I hope they are sooooo impressed by your ability to tell wild tales of espianage. They will giggle and say: 'I don't know how you come up with these stories". You will feel very important and you, too, will get fat from all the scotch and m & ms. But one day you will tell a story about a woman who could kill with one kick, a woman who could play a triple agent among triple agents and would never slip up. A woman who with one word could change history. Your attention will drift off ... and your girlfriend will start asking: 'Sergio, what's wrong? Sergio what's wrong?" and it will sound more and more muffled, as you drift off in your thoughts to a time when you were near to me. you will start to picture me, yet: "sergio what's wrong?" you will still hear, more and more muffled... like someone was pressing a pillow over her nose and mouth. Just like someone was pressing a pillow over her nose and mouth. " Sergmmmmioooo, mmmwhat's mmmwrommmmmmng?" ... exactly like someone is pressing a pillow over her nose and mouth.

And when you realize what you have done you will sit back in horror... You have lost your dream, you have murdered your cheap fantasy and you have jeorpardized everything as for sure now the local police will start asking questions.

I cannot write more tonight as this last image does not bring me the vengeful satisfaction I had hoped. It is because of this realization that I still hold some sort of feeling for you, that I must warn you... some of Grigori's darkest enemies are in Minsk. When Grigori got up from my couch a piece of paper fell from his pocket. On it was the name Paul, the letter 'S' and an address in Minsk. I know Paul to be someone who has been trying to 'get to' Grigori for a long time (not in a good way). Beware if Grigori sends you to 3652 Drobwa Ave... it may be a trap. Grigori does not know I saw this as I slipped it back into his pocket when we kissed goodnight. I will leave it to your imagination as to what kind of kiss it was... I still seek some satisfaction that I can hurt you the way you have hurt me.

The only way a heart can hurt is if it full of love, yet feels it being torn away. ~N

My Tormentor

Nikita, my tormentor! How is it everything you do just makes me want you more? Oh to have been a fly on the wall in the bookstore - just the thought of Marco going down bleeding by the blow of your stilettos is enough to stir my darkest fantasies. But we are agents, and this "thing" we are wrapped up in has become too much for me to bear. After reading your text in the wee hours of this morning's drunken haze, I have contacted Grigori and asked for reassignment to Minsk - not my first choice for danger or excitement, but it is a far enough distance that I won't be tempted to show up at your door in the middle of the night. Last night's events convinced me we must part at this juncture if we are to survive. The irony is deep - I was into my second Glenfiddich when I noticed a woman sitting at the bar, making her presence known to me - I thought to myself, "If I wasn't hopelessly enamored with Nikita, I might actually entertain the thought of her company." But now we both know that was you, and I am beside myself with remorse for not chasing a woman who wasn't you, because it was really you....Surely games like this are not your usual pattern - ? Damned if I do, and damned if I don't - you weave a difficult web Nikita - I feel I am just a male spider to you at times like this....Yet I ignore all of the red flags and continue to scheme in my mind about ways we can be together. I need you too.

The walk back to my room from the bar couldn't have been any stranger. Half-twisted on the scotch, I tipped the waitress and headed out the door. Wandering the late night streets alone has always been a part of my work, and the fact I am still alive has more to do with luck than all my years of training. I rounded a corner and BAM! Two of Marco's men pinned me up against the wall and knocked the wind out of me. Apparently your little skirmish hurt his ego as much as his spleen, and he has put the word out that you must be found and made to pay for your transgression. They were quick to make me very uncomfortable and to tell me in no uncertain terms that they will find you and will make you hurt very much - Just then, a local baker on his way to work was pedaling by and stopped to ask Marco's boys what the trouble was - They eased up on me for a second to see who the crazy asshole was, and that gave me the distraction I needed to micro-taze the one and head butt the other - The baker flashed his semi-automatic pistol at me about this time, and told me to keep my distance - I made certain Marco's boys were out cold, then thanked him for his help. When asked why he packed heat on his way to the bakery at 3 a.m., he told me, "I've lived in this part of town for twenty years, and I've seen it all - After the first time I got mugged, I took matters into my own hands and learned how to defend myself. Looks like you have a little experience in that department too." I was drunk, and the head butt had given me a slight concussion, I'm sure. It was like some strange parallel world standing there under the streetlight talking to a baker holding a Unerti UCCP. I mean, who carries one of those? And how lucky am I that he came along?

I must finish my packing, dearest one. More has happened that I cannot tell you about now, but know you are in my heart now, and that is the safest place you can be with me for the next several weeks. At least we can write.

S

Can you see me?

Sergio,
I can only hope that you get this message before ordering your second drink tonight... (still the usual Zubrowska on the rocks or are you back to Scotch?) I finished my mission, but not without a little problem.

I was in the bookstore as arranged. As specified, I was heading towards the 'S' section of the books arranged alphabetically by author, preparing to pull the copy of David Sedaris's new book 'When You Are Engulfed in Flames' off the shelf. My contact was to be in the opposite aisle do the same with a copy of: The DaVinci Code
But as I approached I saw another woman in a green dress reaching for the Sedaris book. My contact in the other aisle mistook her for me (which pisses me off, because the dress was so wrong and she wore it like a hobo) ... but he saw a woman and he saw green and so, as arranged, said: "I see you enjoy mindless reading." The woman answered: "Yeah, like you have something better to do." (which unfortunately was the correct specified response for our transaction). The contact then passed her the envelope with the mini hard drive, which she misunderstood as him giving her his phone number.

She tossed the paper aside exclaiming "you wish". At that moment I saw Marco step into the aisle. I had to move fast. I lept forward while pulling a hardcopy of: 'What's Wrong with You? Get a Life' (a new self help book written by Tony Robbins after a particularly heavy tour schedule.)off the shelf and dealt the woman a solid blow to the left temporal region. Not enough to kill her, just enough to erase all memory of the event, and to screw up her langauge center so she would never be able to speak of what was about to happen. (undoubtedly sentencing her to a life of frustration and maddness). I held my gaze on Marco the entire time and as he reached for the envelope I spun and impaled him with my stilleto heels. I am not sure if he is dead, but I do know he is bleeding and landed with his face in the other woman's breasts. Between the abdominal wound, the chance of suffocation and the confused wrath of that bitch if she wakes up, I am sure that I at least have a good head start to deliver the hard drive to the Agency and then 'disappear' for a while.

Sergio, I hope you are not still daydreaming about me in that green dress... We all need you to be sharp. but mostly right now I need you to notice that I am in the front of the bar where you sit, in a new disguise... curly 'blonde' hair with 4 inches of black roots, 50 pounds overweight, blue polyester jogging suit... yeah, that's me ordering a Michelob Light. Sergio, you are the only one that I hope will see through this disguise. I can't risk moving any closer right now... Marco's men may be watching you, and besides, MY people are watching you and they are told to kill you if they ever see you leave with another woman.... now you know... the ugly truth of this femme fatale....I can't risk contacting them to let them know it is me....

Recognize me, dammit... Come away with me. I must leave NOW... I need you. I want you. Please man, check your messages on that new damn phone you just bought... you will see this email... Why do you just sit there with that grin on your face?

On the waterfront...

Worms like Marco are a dime a dozen in this business, my dear. I'd dispatch him in a moment if I didn't think he may be useful to us both in the near future. As plans for our current operation solidify, we will know if you were made, or just noticed by that Cossack piece of trash. Of course you know it's impossible for any man not to notice you - the way you carry yourself, your air of class and sophistication, the way every last detail about your wardrobe is impeccably handled - even spies are human and subject to the currents of the heart. As for dangerous, yes, you are dangerous. Dangerous to my heart, and dangerous to anyone that would try to capture yours. Dangerous because our mission cannot be compromised, and dangerous because I cannot think of anything or anyone but you as of late - your non-regulation dance moves have hypnotized me, and I have not the mental strength to concentrate on the directive because deep within, I know we must finish what the clothes between us would not let us complete. Dangerous because now you have the information you need to play me as you have played so many others. My suit can be cleaned, but my desire for you cannot so easily be removed.  

 

Grigori has assured me the conference will convene within the week, and our instructions will arrive through the normal channels. As always, keep observant and vigilant. We can handle the Marcos of the world if we remain a step ahead in our planning. On a strictly professional level, it is not often I get to work with such a talent as you. Your methods are so uncouth. I'm relieved we are working for the same side, as you would make a formidable opponent in any web of shadowy operations experts. 

I will take your advice about the stronger drinks, my lovely. There's a smoky little jazz bar down by the waterfront. It's a place where I can be away from my normal social circles. There's a table in the back, dimly lit. I'm no stranger to drinking alone, but if there were any possibility for you to elude your surveillance, and you were up for a little danger, I'll be there, awaiting your arrival. 

S

damn distractions

Sergio,
Damn you and your distractions. I didn't know you had arrived at this location yet. I was on my way to the rendezvous and I then I made a mistake. Damn you Sergio... it was safer for me and for the country when you were just a voice on the end of the line, a note on a scrap of paper, but now you are flesh and blood and the thought of you here watching me while I take care of this assignment has caused me to lose focus.

I passed by an apartment and the foggy silhouette through a window of a man drinking tea caught my eye. I hesitated in my step and turned, only slightly, to get a better look. (You were on my mind... I was remembering that last morning together... the chamomile was not enough to calm my pounding heart.) I know I shouldn't have... all my training has taught me not to look, or at least not to look like i am looking. The man I saw startled to see me catch his eye and I realized that is was ...Marco... the only person alive who knows about us.

Marco has betrayed everyone and now he works for the 'Organization'... Damn it Sergio, it was a chance mistake, just a glance through a window but of all the people in the world... I fear he is waiting to sabotage my rendezvous. My disguise is good, but I can't shake the feeling that we are all in danger now.

I ducked into an internet cafe to send you this letter. i have a good view of the bookstore where I will be meeting my connection. Sergio, our love is dangerous. I am dangerous. If you are still thinking of drinking tea while you watch me tonight, you may want to reconsider. You may want to drink something stronger, something much, much stronger. If Marco 'makes' me, i may not seem so attractive, even with the light behind me shining through my dress.

My Nikita

Nikita,

There are so many things I must say to you, yet I know saying them will change things between us and may well threaten our mission as well as our lives - first, your contact will be looking for the green dress  - you must follow my other wardrobe instructions exactly - not so much for your contact, but for me, as I will receive big thrill just knowing you are commando.  I've positioned myself near a window where I can drink my tea and secretly watch you pass by on the way to your rendezvous - the sun will be behind you and the back light is most flattering to your perfect body. The message you carry must be delivered at all costs. You know what that means. All interferences must be dealt with swiftly and discreetly. If discretion is not possible, your unparalleled martial and/or marksmanship skills will need to be employed. No loose ends. 

S

Sergio, its me.

Sergio,
I am so glad you can meet me here. Perhaps this will be the only way we can truly be safe... It is a strange world when we can only hide in the open ocean of the internet; exposed so fully that we become essentially invisible. Of course that only reminds me of the last night we spent together. ... To all in the room, you were just another man in a gabardine suit getting a lap-dance, and I was just another poor girl trying to make a buck. Who could have guessed that those bills you were putting in my g-string contained information that will change the world forever. And of course I was flattered by the extra $20 you put in there. Perhaps you could tell that I had been practicing some non-regulation moves that were not in the Agency handbook. Those were just for you.

Sergio, I must go for now... The sun is finally going down here, and I dare not risk turning on a light in order to continue to type. In the morning, if I am not able to make my next rendezvous and receive my new identity I am afraid all may be lost. I sure hope you remembered to tell my contact that I will be the one in the green dress...
~nikita