If this was the year 2023, we would have the technology that can take the readings from the EEG
and translate them into the words and pictures that are being created inside the brain of the dreamer. But it is not 2023. So, for now, Nikita is lost in a silent, isolated world. She lies on the hospital bed, near lifeless. The rhythmic beeps of the EKG, the wavy lines streaming effortlessly from the EEG, the regular drip of the IV, the blank expression on her face create an illusion of peace. But the only thing remotely peaceful about Nikita are the hallucinations she can get lost in, and the numbness that she feels, protecting her from the realities of her situation and the sensations of pain that, if conscious, she would feel ripping through her body... Even that merciful numbness is regularly interrupted by spikes of sensations so intense that it makes the thought of being lost in a void seem like a gift. It is also a gift that Sergio has no idea that the anomalies in the waves flowing from the EEG are the silent screams of terror coming from within the woman he loves.If this was 2023, this is how the translation from Nikita's mind would read:
"Mommy, I want the blue balloon, not the yellow one... why can't I have the blue one?"
"Because I want to give you the yellow one, I think the yellow one is nice."
"But mommy, I want the bluuuuuuuuue one!!!!!"
"Nikita, I know you want the blue one, but it will make me happy to give you this pretty yellow one."
"Mommy WHY will you be happy if I don't get what I WAAAAAANT?"
"Because, Nikita, you will be learning to adapt."
Floating.....Light...... weightless..... I see you, Sergio! I see you sitting there, watching over my body.... Light.... Love....nothing but warmth and radiance...... Sergio I see you, I love you... stay with me, I know you are there, I know you will pull me back, but for now let me float.... that body down there has pain....
"AAAAAGGGGHHHHH a sharp ripping at the back of my neck as a scalpel divides my flesh. Already swollen from a severe impact... (strange, it didn't hurt while I was smashing Niko's frontal lobe)... now I feel an instrument exploring, exploring, until it grabs, then pulls... I feel the warmth of blood down my back.... I feel the collapse of tissue as it fills the once occupied space... then the pressure of the new swelling.... AAAAGHHHHHH the PRESSURE!!!! it's to much... I can't.... feeeeeeel......"
Look at the worms! I have never seen such cute, fuzzy worms... and they seem to know so much! Look, here is a music box, I open it and wow, I am the ballerina in the music box... I spin and spin and spin and now the fuzziest worm is handing me a scroll and it is taller than me, so I climb up on this ladder that reaches into the clouds and I begin to read and all there is, is one word, written over and over and over and over and..
FIRE! There is fire in my leg and in my head and coming out my ears and tubes are eating me alive... the machines are feeding off of me and I don't know why I am here. AAAAGGGHHHH someone stop the fire that is burning me.
Grass. I am running through grass. Waist high, it brushes against me as I run. Tiny seeds are clinging to the sweater that is tied around my waist. I am laughing. I am happy, so happy. I feel a pull on the back of my sweater and it lets loose. I look and see the grin of Sergio as he turns away, glancing back over his shoulder only to gently mock me. I stop for a moment, panting... hands supporting me on my thighs as I bend over to catch my breath. Sergio swings the sweater over his head... "C'mon, Nikita... don't you want it?"
"I can live without it" I answer.
"Can you? Can you really adapt to life without this sweater?" He is grinning widely.
I stand up suddenly the panting stops... my body is quiet... and I realize that I can. I can live without what I want. But as my feet start running towards Sergio I realize that I have decided to take it anyway.
And then there is nothing...
