Little Bird in the Red Whore

Sergio,
These two weeks have been painful to me... not from inflictions from another, but from my own internal torture. I don't know why I push you away, except that perhaps it is because you have proven to me that you will always push back. When I left the bookstore that fateful night I still had that Tony Robbins book clasped in my hand. After removing the small chunk of hair and blood stuck on it from the woman I clobbered, I decided to read it.

I realize now that due to my mother's habit of singing Britney Spear's song:"Oops I did it again" while my father used me to practice for the final exam of his gynecology degree, I seem to have created a reality where I cannot trust men, yet have taken on many masculine roles and so have learned to trust not even myself.

This is my way of saying I am sorry, Sergio, that I put you in an impossible situation with me. Two weeks at home with a self-help book trying to figure out who I am was more difficult than the time we were a couple of double agents having a three-some in order to expose the triple agent spy who was single, working for half pay on Seven Mile Island.

I heard you were really in the thick of things in Minsk... Celtox37 is very important. Grigori has a lot of faith in you if he has assigned you to this. Of course, you know that you are in serious serious danger. Konrad IS crazy and it is not too extreme to think he would test his Celtox37 on anyone just for fun. Odorless, tasteless, totally untraceable undetectable poison... and easier to manufacture than Iocane. If you piss him off he would not hesitate.

Although my heart aches at the thought of you in the red district with those whores, and I hate you for telling me, knowing that at least part of the reason you mentioned it is to hurt me the way I hurt you. But I am not up to the chapter in Tony Robbins book that discusses how to forgive myself, so I agree with you that I deserve to be punished just a little.

I have made some arrangements, though which I think will protect us both. When you go to the district, go to the place called the Red Whore (very original name, huh?) It will be just Konrad's style, he will be pleased. But make sure you request a girl called: небольшая птица
it is Russian for 'little bird'... you will have to figure out how to pronounce it... ask a local because you must get the pronunciation correct. This girl will give all the illusion necessary to preserve your reputation with Konrad, while also preserving your reputation with me. If of course this is still important to you.
Yours, Always... Nikita